PND - Will it get better

[Mama20242024]

I have just been told by HV it is likely I have PND - I have appointment with GP in a couple of days to discuss and currently on the waiting list for some counselling.

I have trolled every forum and had lots of posts on here which have made me feel a little better but from years ago so looking for more up to date responses.

I want nothing more to feel that deep bond with my baby of 4 months - I know deep down I love them, they’re beyond cute and a great baby so far with minimal sleepless nights etc. I feel so beyond guilty that I feel like this. I just want to feel happy and enjoy being Mum.

Please could I hear from any one of any success stories coming through the other side.

Hi there,

congratulations firstly on the birth of your baby!

I feel like I could have written this.

I am 9 months postpartum.

I feel you when you said that especially they're a great baby... makes me feel guilty even till now.

some things that helped me so far were:

-journalling, first time in my life it helped
-writing poems or creating videos on my phone of baby and me and family etc Inshot app is free and it's fun making videos and it's a nice memory to look back on
-having a baby monitor was for watching baby when I was in bathroom etc but I realised that it captured some very cute precious moments too! So I kept it for that purpose too and it ended up making it to my Inshot videos!
-stroking baby's hair or caressing them while they sleep or putting my finger inside their hands... made me just soak things in as they grow so quickly
-speaking to people who you know won't make you feel bad for your feelings
-hopefully your counselling will be very beneficial
-eat well please and stay hydrated and look after yourself as much as you are able to, as your baby needs Mama!
-remind yourself that the fact you want that deep bond and know you love them deep down speaks volumes already about the bond... you don't always have to see a bond in a tangible way to know you have a strong bond... you know you love them, let that be enough.
-hold your baby and cuddle them as much as you want to! I used to and still get comments saying I'm spoiling my son but what if I am the one who needs those cuddles and holding him which I most certainly do! so please hold your baby and take time with them, everything can wait and no I don't think you can spoil your baby by loving them

I had a difficult time and still do to be honest but I try remind myself that the bond is something that may take time to establish. I was a wreck at 4 months believe me, but when baby started smiling and understanding who mama is... that was priceless Alhamdulillah (thank God). Wait for those moments. it will make everything worth it.

Oh and also another thing that helped me was visual stimulus cards with baby, also reading books to them although he was like 3 months I started from then as I was like he is a baby I can't really play with him kinda thing, we did do tummy time with toys etc but I loved reading to him and lo and behold... he is 9 months now and loves books... he grabs the books before toys. He used to love lift the flap books but now he loves The Rabbit Listened which is a big book and No Matter What are the books he loves although they're for like 6 to 7 year olds haha. I think he likes the pictures etc and he love turning the pages, he used to observe me turning the pages. World of Books is great to buy from.

Also, try take your baby to play group when you feel confident enough, or even to a local coffee shop or restaurant.

I took my son out by myself first time at 6 months, I remmeber going nandos and asking for a high chair and feeding him puree while I had mac and cheese and I put my phone up to record us for a memory. I loved it. Just us 2.

But yeah it's gonna take a while I think to get over the initial months of birth for me for sure but I am hoping to get counselling soon too, I wish you all the best. Youre doing amazing Mama, please know this.

Motherhood is such a difficult journey... not like how it is often portrayed in films etc. At the end of the day we try put best for our children, to love them to help them to keep them safe and that's the best we can do.

Wow - thank you for your reply this was amazing and exactly what I needed to hear.

I send you all my love. My plan is to keep this thread up to date over my journey!

I have anxiety, depression and OCD. I have had most therapies and medications. I am highly aware if and in tune with my mental and emotional state, and able to seek help from professionals.
I did not have PND but disnt feel that bond either. I had no reason to...... the pregnancy was hell, the Labour even worse, baby was early and very ill, qhen home it was constant screaming, nappies and zero sleep. Why would overwhelming joy have filled me up? I cared for my baby and did all I was supposed to, but none of it was the beaut, Spiritual, magical experience I thought it would be.....

NOW THOUGH..... I truly love that boy of mine. He brings me joy I never could have imagined was possible. Happiness that fills me up. All the warm and fuzzy feelings you could imagine .

It will come. Not much of it in the beginning warrants joy and total love!

Well done seeking help to be safe though. I hope it is not PND but if it is, you will get through it with doctors, meds, therapy whatever you need or whatever helps.

❤

I'm so glad you found it helpful. I send you all my love too.

I think that's such a great idea of keeping this thread up to date as it could help so many mums!!!

All the best xxx

I wouldn’t say I’m on ‘the other side’ but I am definitely doing better. At my worst point I was suicidal, convinced I wasn’t really my daughters mother (because if I was I’d be better at it, etc) and spent most of the day crying.

I still experience depression and on bad days I have suicidal thoughts. But things are SO a much better, I can get out and about every day, enjoy playing with baby most days too. Things that helped me were:

1. mums mental health groups!!! Going to snotty baby groups full of lying middle class mums made me feel worse. Try to find a group for PND or similar where you won’t feel judged.
2. medication - discuss SSRIs with the GP. They won’t cure you but can take the edge off for sure.
3. think about ANYTHING that can make your life easier. For example I bought a UV steriliser and 12 bottles to take pressure off washing/sterilising.
4. don’t feel guilty about taking a break, 15 minutes of hey bear in the bouncer isn’t going to harm your baby but 15m of peace might just save you. (I say 15 mins I had a Bad Day on Sunday and my 10 month old watched a full hour and a half of ms Rachel lol)

this is NOT forever but holy flip it is hard!

oh my days, I'm so glad you commented this. I felt so out of place going to mums group that I hardly ever go and I thought it's just me! I'll try look into a group for PND too.

I'm with you on Miss Rachel. It just has to be done simetimes😂 and baby lovesssss it and it helped me learn so many nursery rhymes which my son has grown to love too.

I hope you feel better and all mums out there going through this

Oh god I really do hate those groups sometimes. You develop a thicker skin over time but I still avoid them. You are doing such a great job seriously!

I did promise to keep this updated …

Today I visited my GP who was amazing after a long conversation she advised that I go on Fluoxetine 20mg to try and help whilst I wait for some counselling.

I assume normal but feel a little nervous to take, I know in the long run it will be better for me and in turn my baby as he will have a Mummy that’s happier.

Has anyone been on this medication?