postnatal depression and baby schedule

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi all,

Hope you and your LOs are all well.

I am 9inths postpartum and a first time mum.

I am struggling with PND and health issues.

I am so upset that what if I don't have a good and proper schedule for my son.

What I means by this is, he doesn't have a set schedule it's quite here and there.

For example, he has like 3 naps a day! Falls asleep at 12am!

So, usually his routine is:

wake up: 9/10
Breastfeed a bit, Nappy change, change clothes, brush teeth and breakfast given which is ready brek 4 tablespoons with half mashed banana

10. 30 to 1.30 Playing, reading, rhymes, some more breastmilk

1.30 to 3.30: sleep (sometimes till 4pm!)

4pm: lunch which is 1 sweet potato, 1 carrot, some brocolli florets and 2 tablespoon rice and lentils boiled and then I blend them and make enough so I can feed for lunch and dinner

1. 30pm till 6.30

Reading, singing, watching Miss Rachel while I cook

6.30pm: snack which is 2 heinz baby banana biscotti and half mashed banana

6.45 till 9pm
play, rhymes, read

9pm: dinner which is what I fed for lunch boiled on the hob

then I brush his teeth and read to him and feed him breastmilk bit he won't fall asleep till 12am, he will fight sleep.

after 12am he is a good sleeper though he sleeps till 5am and then I breastfeed him and he sleeps more and then he wakes again for like 7 and 8 I breastfeed and then he properly wakes at 9am

The part I feel bad about is, what if this bad schedule is because of me? like shouldn't I just get up properly at 7am and make breakfast instead of breastfeeding and he sleeps again?

Does he have too many naps?

Also, sometimes, his naps are like 3 or more hours!!!!

I know I'm going to come across as lucky to many of you but believe me a lot of times I feel guilty instead because I feel he has a late wake up and sleep time

Other people will no doubt have strong views on this but I'd say, if it works for you, there's nothing wrong with it. We've always been on the relaxed side of things and, after struggling with hourly wakes and split nights for about 6 months when my daughter was little, she now goes to bed at 9pm. Most people I know think this is really late but she sleeps until 7.30am whereas lots of children I know are up way earlier, which would kill me.

So I say, drop the guilt and do what works for you, especially if you're struggling with PND. There's nothing wrong with his routine, it's just not what people in the uk consider normal (have a look at other cultures and you'll see that it's normally for kids to stay up late). You might need to adjust slightly if he's going to be starting childcare at some point but he'll naturally need to go to bed earlier if you're waking him up earlier in the morning to leave the house.

Thank you!

I'm from a Bangladeshi background so I totally resonate with it's normal for kids to stay up later.

I have been trying to make sure he is fed well and drinks well and sleeps well.

And like you said when I put him in childcare I do have to be mindful of timing etc so I will try my best to try and get him to sleep earlier in due time.

Thank you so much for your understanding and not making me feel worse!

I was really baby-led with my son. We didn't have a routine. He was often awake at 10pm with me.

He started to build his own routine around 18 months, and that aligned better with nursery. I really wouldn't worry. If it's working for you both, it's fine.

You feed him good quality nutritious meals, play with him, keep him clean and clearly love him. Bugger a schedule, you are a very good mum, if these hours suit you and him then you are doing very well indeed

Ahh thank you for reassuring me that's it's not just me keeping my LO awake till that time! and yes, I am deffo trying to incorporate more baby led weaning recipes.

Awww, this made me emotional🥹🥹🥹 that is so so sweet of you to say. Honestly, thank you so much. Can imagine the kindness and love your LO gets if you are able to give it to strangers on the Internet x

Hi OP

my family drive me crazy asking about my babies routine and I’m like yep he doesn’t have one 😂

im a stay at home mom so why do I need to break my back trying to get him into a routine when he is happy sleeping when he wants to sleep, eating when he wants to eat etc? I understand that if people are going to work they need their baby to be in a routine but I don’t so why does it matter? X

I was a grade a, 5 star parent. Until I actually had a child.

You do what suits you. This isn't permanent. It is transitory. You do what works for your and your family to navigate this time in the smoothest way possible. Don't care about what other people will say.

Both of my kids were like this by the way. They were both pretty good sleepers and still are though.