Anxiety as a first time mom

[Lena4039]

Hello. hope that someone has been in the same situation and will share your experience. I have a baby boy who is now three months old. ever since birth I have been afraid that he will get sick, and it started with me washing my hands. now I wash my hands a lot, almost after everything I do. I am also afraid to visit others and let others touch the baby in case he ingests something dangerous. I'm afraid of everything that could happen to him. this really affects my husband as I also go and make sure that he does everything according to the way I think he should do it. it has now made my husband very tired. all i talk about is how worried i am and keep asking him if he thinks what i did right now is dangerous. yes, I get help but I don't feel it helps much. the whole day goes to be anxious.
I try to let go of control but I can't, because then I'm afraid something might happen to the baby and that it's my fault.

I was in a really similar place when I had my little boy. I was convinced that he was going to get sick and that it would be my fault and I really struggled to cope with all of these awful thoughts that something awful was going to happen to him. It was a really dark time but I did reach out for help and slowly but surely it did help me and I came out the other end. If you're already getting some help for this that's a really good start, but if you don't feel like it's helping be honest about that and let them know. They might just need to change things up to make sure you get the right help. Keep being honest with your other half about your worries and what you're feeling, hes there to help and to support you.
I found that talking about my worries out loud made them a little bit less scary and writing them all down kind of helped to get them out of my thoughts in a way.
Also, trying to think of a solution for your worries, e.g if baby was to show signs of not being well I'd take him to the doctors to get checked out straight away.
I hope you start to feel better soon, post partum depression and anxiety is an awful thing, but it sounds like you love your little one very much and are a fab mum. Sending lots of love xxx

@Overther thank you for your answer. what did you do that made you better? I talk to those around me about my worries, but probably do it a little too much. So they Are tired of it. I'm afraid I'll lose my husband if I continue like I am now. The only thing i talk about is my worries. I’m afraid that it would be like this forever. :/ thank you very much:)

What help are you getting, @Lena4039 ?
What would you say to a friend if they were going through the same thing?

@OMGsamesame I get help from a psychologist who specializes in general anxiety and ocd. but he says he has no more hours to help me now. i would say my friend needs to let go of control as the only thing this does is ruin the relationship with the man and ruin the baby time. but at the same time I feel that I have to choose between letting go of control and saving my relationship, or that my baby could get something dangerous if I'm not careful. and I feel that is an impossible choice, and then I choose that the baby should be safe. but then it goes beyond the relationship with my wonderful husband.

What would you say to your friend if she gave you that response?

Did the psychologist discuss with you any techniques for handling these feelings when you have them?

@OMGsamesame the psychologist just says that I have to let go of control and not believe everything I think.

@OMGsamesame another example: we live in a small apartment and have to dry clothes in the same room as the cat litter box. when I've hung up clothes and the cat is on the toilet there on the same day, I'm so afraid that particles will come from the cat's toilet and onto the clothes or towels that I've hung up to dry. I know this is possible after looking it up online. the alternative is to give the cat away, because then I don't have to be afraid of it.

I can see how it would be quite hard to do that in one go!

Did you get referred to them via your GP or midwife or similar? In Our borougg the mental health team has some online tools that people can use to practice managing their anxiety, in addition to talking therapies. I wonder if there is something similar where you are if your psychologist can't give you any more time.

Looking up stuff online generally though can be really unhelpful, as not all websites are equal and lots are misleading (eg lots of US based sites are based on info relevant to their different food standards so can cause unnecessary worry).

To be completely honest with you, it got so bad that I ended up taking myself to A&E and went voluntarily onto a mental health ward. It helped me so much, as well as increasing my medication and getting more input from a psychiatrist x

@OMGsamesame Yes, I don't feel like I can let go of control. I don't even know where to start because it's something I'm afraid of all the time.
I don't know if we have it, only know about the psychologist I've been seeing now. don't think it's something for new mothers. What do you have as tips on the pages that you have available? yes, it's easy to search online when you don't know if everything you feel out of fear is true.

^^

@Overther oh, so scary! What did you learn that helped you, if you want to share? so glad to hear it's getting better now! did you just stop being afraid? So you Are taking medicine against anxiety?