Newborn stage gets easier right?

[Chaoscontrol]

I wanted my baby for so so long, I knew when me and my now husband got together we would one day have a baby.

We had an early miscarriage a couple years ago which made us both realise just how much we wanted this.

My girl was born just over a week ago and I feel like I've entirely lost myself and who I was. My routine has gone, my freedom has gone and why do I feel so horrible for feeling like this?

Her birth was quite traumatic for both me and my husband, I feel like I've not processed exactly what happened yet, but have to take care of this tiny human without crying all the time.

The love I have for this girl outweighs everything, but why is this so so hard? Is it okay to feel like this. I feel guilty, like I didn't know this would happen. I find myself wishing some days away so it gets a bit easier.

Am I an awful mum?

No you're not awful. Babies are a massive shock to the system for sure. And I can only imagine a traumatic birth adds to that. Have you spoken to midwife or HV about pnd because of you keep feeling this way it's a possibility you have it. Though it's only a week in so your hormones are still all over the shop. Really hope you get some better advice and sending an unmumsnetty hug☺️

Yes it gets so much easier don’t worry! The newborn stage, whilst lovely because they are so gorgeous and little and cute, it is utterly exhausting.

Good idea to address the birth trauma rather than burying it. It’s ok to cry! Keep talking - speak to your partner about it, health visitors etc. When you’re ready see if you can book in for one of those midwife ‘debriefs’.

You will be okay!!

That's totally normal, and to be expected! Of course your freedom and routine has gone! Try and embrace that, and focus on your baby. Do speak to health visitor and / GP about how you're coping, and getting support for the birth trauma.

It absolutely gets easier, you're exhausted, you're only a week in, you're still recovering from birth, I found the feeling of being responsible for another person completely overwhelming. Be kind to yourself and if anyone tells you you'll never sleep properly again (was said to me when I hadn't slept for 2 days and was in tears) they are lying, it gets better, you get more sleep, your hormones settle. None of the phases last forever, please do talk to your HV, partner or friend, talking about it can help a lot. You're in a new role, baby is in a new role, partner is, it's new to you all, none if you have done this before, it takes time to adjust xx

Yes it gets easier xx these are the mad weeks, life is completely upside down. I remember thinking 'why does no one tell each other how hard this is?!'

Keep going, take all the help you can, ask all the questions you need, trust your instincts and be kind to your partner and be really really kind to yourself xx

Oh yes, this IS how it feels!

I promise x10000000 it gets better.

No you're not awful. Yes it gets much easier. This was me almost word for word, the longing, the early miscarriage, traumatic birth and hated the newborn stage but the rest of it I have truly loved.

Be careful of those hormones. They are deviant.

And don't be afraid to ask for help.

Oh yeah!!
At one week postpartum you're still in the middle of the baby blues, on top of the lack of sleep and all the sudden responsibilities.

I was a wreck when my son was born and kept asking myself why I did this, how people choose to have more than one child, etc...etc...
Things eventually get so much easier and you will start to love being a mama

You are only a week in and still recovering after birth, be kid to yourself. Yes it’s a huge change for you and your partner, you now have to take care of this tiny baby and keep her alive and happy. I wouldn't say it get easier as such, just things change and you adjust. There are different stages that are harder than others and all babies are different so you may find a particular stage harder or easier than others do and that’s ok.

Normal!! It will get better. Hang in there but keep a check on your feelings x

Of course it gets better and of course you aren't an awful Mum.
Goodness me, if you had any other major medical procedure like giving birth is, you'd be tucked up in bed with people looking after you for the next week. Instead, whilst sleep deprived and uncomfortable, if not in pain, you are given this tiny bundle to look after that you have no clue how to look after! They don't come with manuals, they can't communicate to you what's wrong, and you have this overwhelming sense of not knowing what you are doing, but knowing you are responsible.
Honestly, don't worry about routine, or what time of day or night it is, or what the house looks like, and just enjoy the lovely moments and get through the rest.

It’s normal. Your hormones are still all over the place. The sleep deprivation is starting to kick in. You’ve taken 700 photos but the reality is setting in that this is forever.

This bit is just survival. There doesn’t need to be a routine, especially as you don’t have an older one to take care off. Sleep when you need to, eat when you need to, shower when you need to. Focus on meals you can eat one handed - lasagna, pizza, fish and chips, risotto, cottage pie. Get your husband to make them or get ready meals in. It doesn’t matter if the house is a mess.

You’ll start to find your own routine in a couple of weeks. That gets a bit easier. Then a few after that they start to smile and it starts to get a bit rewarding. A few weeks after that they can go longer between feeds, those blocks of sleep get a bit longer. A few weeks after that you get a giggle, that’s really rewarding. A few weeks after that they start to interact, they stop becoming a sack of potatoes that shit and eat all day and become a little interactive baby (that shits and eats all day). A few weeks after that they start to get better sleep routines. It’s a weird time, it goes so fast, they develop so quickly and you get to an easier increment every few weeks. It’s also the slowest time ever when you aren’t sure if it’ll ever get easier. It is all just temporary, keep reminding yourself that.

Definitely gets easier, hormones are wild. Come back when she’s a month old and you’ll feel like a new person. Congratulations x

Yes, I think all of that is quite normal- especially with a first baby (I feel it's the physical equivalent of a punch in the face)!

You will adapt over time (months rather than days or weeks) but give yourself plenty of time and support to process a traumatic birth and the massive changes to your life.

Thinking of you x

It's been four years since my last baby and even that was a shock! It does get easier. Hang in there. The first baby, nothing prepared me. It was hell tbh. One day at a time. Heck, one hour at a time even.

Absolutely normal to feel this way now when the hormone drop has hit and the sleeplessness is taking its toll. Hang in there this too shall pass. Xxxx

Nothing prepares you for your first
I hated it up to about 6m and thought I’d ruined my life and marriage.
being hit by a bus would have had less impact,

it won’t be like this forever. It will get better.

And it 💯 gets easier and more enjoyable and I WISH someone had told me that and also that i had known how I’d feel at 10m postpartum at 2m pp.

i ended up having 2 under 2 in the end… so clearly i learned to like it 😅

hang in there

What you are feeling is entirely normal and I felt the exact same for a fair while after my DD was born. It’s the biggest life change you can have, the biggest responsibility, and you have to crack on with it All when you feel rotten yourself physically and mentally.

you aren’t a bad mum at all, you are doing an amazing job. Give yourself a break, the first few months can be really tough while you all adjust to the change in dynamic and your baby gets feeding established and starts to learn night from day. Just make sure you and your DH share the load where possible, sleep in shifts, make sure to eat (I lived off toast for weeks) and try to establish yourself a new routine to get through the day, lots of walks will help, especially if baby is unsettled. I listened to so many podcasts on the move when my DD was a newborn. Make sure to keep a check on your feelings and reach out if you think you need support ❤️

You're not awful at all and this is completely normal. I remember repeatedly googling "I hate having a newborn" just to reassure myself that I wasn't alone in how miserable I was, despite my baby being so longed for and after fertility treatment and losses. I felt so much better when one of my friends asked how I was doing and when I said not great she said "of course you're not, I cried in the shower every day for weeks in the beginning". The relief of someone being honest was great!!

It all gets easier. A midwife and my mother both told me it would get much easier a few weeks in once the baby gets a bit smiley and interactive, I was skeptical but ended up being surprised at how much of a difference it made. Hang in there and don't be afraid to talk to people x

This 👆 I could have written it. It absolutely gets easier and all of this becomes a blur I promise. Xxx

My baby is 3 month and I think the first month is the toughest!
it’s a shock to the system- you are now 24 hours on call for feeding, cuddling and nappy change. Mind you your body needs recovering too. You will find a new routine with your baby as she grows. For now you just need to survive!

Beautiful mama, I feel you so deeply! My baby, born in January, is the most precious thing in the whole world but taking care of him has been the most challenging, exhausting and wild ride of my life. You are not a horrible person or an awful mum for feeling that way, this is genuinely an enormous challenge and you are hanging on. It got easier for me when my baby started being able to entertain himself a bit and sleep more consistently. Babies are all different and I can’t promise I know what will make it get easier for you but the newborn phase doesn’t last forever and things will get better as your little one develops. You’ve got this. You are literally doing one of the hardest things in the whole world right now and you are so strong. Lean on the people who love you, cry when you need to, eat the chocolate, and I’m sending you a hug from across the internet to tell you that I see you, you brave, brilliant mama.

I felt this way when I had my first 13 years ago. I remember loving my baby so much that I felt inadequate to take care of her. It was horrible.

12 years later I’ve had my second a few weeks ago and you completely forget the newborn stage. I look back at pictures of my first as a baby and we laugh about it, we clearly have kept memories of the funny times and the cute parts and have repressed the sleep deprivation and crying (as in me crying!) etc.

What this showed me when I had my second is that the newborn phase is tough but it is just a fraction of your time with your lo. It does get much easier - even just at 3 months when they are a little more responsive. At 6 months when you can start weaning etc. There are milestones to look forward to, they have their own challenges but you will get used to it.

I managed to build myself up, my career etc once my first was about 3. I spend time on hobbies when she turned 1. This tells me that in the grand scheme of things I will find myself again. Right now, as hard as the newborn phase is, I’m telling myself to just be in the moment. My newborn needs me more than anyone else, and I’m taking it as a privilege to be the main person that they need. It’s my way of coping and I hope you are kind to yourself and accept that for a little while there will be no routine and things will be a whirlwind - but this stage doesn’t last forever. And it’s one of the only few moments in life when you can get away with being so scatty xx

I found the newborn stage really difficult and found it easier when they got older. Don’t feel guilty for not finding it easy.

Gosh you're so so early into your parenthood journey.
Don't be so hard on yourself Mumma.

Your feelings are all totally normal and valid, it doesn't matter how much we want these babies when they arrive it changes everything.

Work, home, relationships, money... they are tiny but pack a big impact!

Being a parent is a huge gift and rewarding, but I remember with my first feeling like I'd lost my identity. I found it very hard, the extreme tiredness really doesn't help.

My advice would be, shower and make sure you dress. Count every little thing as an achievement at the start.

Make time for you and your husband. Accept help.

Also speak to your midwives or health visitor about your feelings. They are totally valid. They can offer you help if needed and if recommend taking it as early as you can (if needed).

Congratulations on your baby, I'm 1 week PP with any number 2. I'm totally exhausted and forgotten how tiring a newborn is! I'm also dreading DH going back to work monday and leaving me with 2! Xxx