Depression/failure

[Cindywise21]

Suppose I’m just looking to vent somewhere.
ive 2 kids-3& 18months & they’re hard work.
However I’m not just struggling because they’re hard work. After my 2nd I was diagnosed with PND & given sertraline & CBT therapy.
it worked for a time & I was ok but the drugs come with side effects so I’d decided to ramp off them. I’ve tried twice & every time I get down below 50 mg all my problems come back.
ive cried & screamed at the kids every morning this week. Even my toddler said “not again!” When I said I was stressed.
i don’t want my issues to affect them as they grow so I’ve requested to go back up to 150mg from my drs.
The answer is obvious- go back on the meds & be a better mother.
I guess I’m just gutted as I’ll be on the meds for life as I cannot cope without them.
I feel like a failure as a mother for even attempting to come off at my children’s detriment.
Thats my vent, well done if u made it to the end

Hey,

firstly you need to stop thinking you are a bad mother. If that were case you would not even be reflecting on this situation, you clearly are worried about your children and your health…that is not being a bad mother.

I think you’ve answered your own question. Go back on the meds, it is helping. It doesn’t mean you will be on them forever but for now they are what you need…why is this such a problem? I think you would be surprised how many people are in the same situation. I think you’re being very hard on yourself x

Toddlers are the most frustrating people on the planet. And you have got two. Don’t be conned into thinking all the other mums out there are Insta-perfect gentle parents. Many of us screech at our kids and then feel wracked with guilt, more often than we’d probably confess to.

I’d lay a bet that even Mary Poppins had her moments (and frankly who knows what kind of mood-enhancers she must have been on to be so unnaturally peppy).

Getting help to get through the tough patch is good parenting and good self-care.

There’s absolutely no way of knowing how long you’ll need that help for. But I can tell you that my life got immeasurably easier once my kids were aged above 4.

So don’t give up hope.

Just echoing what the other posts say, but you’re doing a wonderful job and clearly care a lot for your little ones.

If It puts your mind at rest at all, a much larger percentage of the population takes anti-depressants than people realise, it’s totally normal and doesn’t reflect on the person or their character at all. You’re doing amazing, you are exactly what your little ones need and if anti-depressants are what you need then that is absolutely A okay.

Maybe when they are older and you feel strongly about coming off the meds then there is nothing stopping you, but for now if they help then why not take them.

You’re their whole world which is a big responsibility, so really taking some meds to help ease the pressure and the PND is just a tiny part of this life you’re building with them.