Baby blues - self-help, routine and all other advice welcome

[TheNervousMum]

I’ve been a new mum for just over one week now and to say that I’ve suffered from the baby blues would be an understatement. I don’t feel like anywhere quite prepares you for how severe these feelings can be and so I’m just reaching out to sort any advice and stories that can help me through this difficult time.

I’m very fortunate to have my mum staying with me currently, and a very helpful and willing partner, however, my feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and overall feelings of utter loss render me a complete mess.

It was so severe that my anxiety prevented me both from eating and sleeping, lack of both of these has left me feeling very fatigued and just questioning where I’m supposed to go from here.

I would really appreciate any advice whatsoever, what helped you get through this period and any comforting tales.

Thank you

I hit peak baby blues around Day 5, which unfortunately coincided with my daughter being admitted to NICU because she was a sleepy baby who just wouldn't stay awafeed. I don't think I stopped sobbing for 3 days (except when i fell asleep), while these amazing nurses kept shooing me off to rest and did everything. Absolutely everything.

Naturally I had awful guilt about this (not to mention feeling so incompetent that my baby got that ill in the first place). However in some ways it was the best thing that happened. When we went home the second time I'd had a little time to rest and heal, and was much better able to cope. The baby blues passed, I never had postnatal depression and we have been happy and pretty well since.

This is very much as bad as it gets and the right time to be leaning on those around you. It should start to improve from this point in - and if things don't, do consider reaching out for help with postnatal anxiety or depression. Take care - but chance are you will get through this!

Thank you ever so much for sharing this story, it brought tears to my eyes thinking of you going through that. It sounds awful, but knowing someone has been through that and come out the other side really just gives me that spark of hope that everything will be just fine.

It will - hormones do a real number on us, and then you get sleep deprivation on top. I have no idea how your birth went, but it's a lot to heal from that. Then at the same time, you've got to look after this tiny baby who needs you so so much, but has no idea when day or night is!

Are you breastfeeding? That can be another thing on top!

To be honest my labour was fairly quick, but had to have an episiotomy as well as a tear so got some stitches healing as well. How did yours go?

Yes I’m breastfeeding, which I suppose is another added pressure in that feeding times are all me as well (although these I do enjoy).

Sounds very similar! I was in latent labour for a day without really knowing about it, 1.5-2h of contractions I did know about, a tear and an episiotomy, and suddenly there was a baby! It felt like it all happened a bit too fast, with no time to catch my breath.

Are you starting to feel better, and like the worst of the hormone storm is passing?

Goodness me, that really is quick. I bet that was quite the shock! How did you cope with those first few nights after such a quick labour? I was high on adrenaline and had absolutely no clue really what had just happened.

Yes I’m starting to day by day feel better thank you, I’ve definitely gotten over the worst so thank you for being there for me. Now I feel more anxiety about the night time and hoping she will sleep more than an hour at a time, more manageable things to worry about!

We didn't get out of the hospital until 3 days after the birth, and then were back in by day 5, and I do recall spending a lot if time holding a newborn in shock. Its all a bit if a blur - I think the sleep deprivation affects your memory. I do definitely remember the shock, and feeling of what the he'll just happened to me?!"

The anxiety about how much sleep you'll get does gradually get better. One way I dealt with it by agreeing with ny partner times when I could have 2-3h blocks where he'd deal with the baby and I could relax enough to get proper deep sleep. It had to be that I knew I'd only be disturbed if she really kicked off (and needed feeding).

5pm til 7pm worked well for me, as he'd be finished with work, it was dark enough that I could sleep, but I could still get up at 7pm, eat something and then go back to bed for a "normal" night at 10. I'd then do the bulk of the nighttime babycare, as obviously he had work the best day, but he was on hand if I started falling asleep while feeding and that sort of thing!

I felt the exact same, had the baby around 11pm, got to spend around 2 hours with my partner, and then I got wheeled off to a ward while he got sent home. It was the most bizarre experience and very much a shock welcoming to the world of motherhood.

that sounds similar to what my partner and I are doing at the moment whereby I go to bed around 7/8pm and sleep till around 11pm with just being woken for feeds. I then take baby until about 7am with her hopefully having some sleep in between in the crib. Fortunately he’s off work for another 2 weeks but then after that I think our routine will have to change!