What is wrong with me

[vanessasa]

I'm 6 weeks PP exactly and not sure what is wrong with me. This is my second baby.

I feel a bit all over the place, I know I love her and that she's very cute but I also don't feel like she likes me and sometimes I don't want to do anything with her.

I'm scared to be by myself with her because I don't know how to keep her happy and I think she'd prefer not to be with me as well. Sometimes I don't even speak to her because I don't know what to say or do with her but then I feel guilty that I'm not speaking to her or playing with her and I'm going to ruin her development because I'm not doing it right. She smiles at me and I don't deserve it.

I had PND with DC1 but I don't remember how I felt. I don't think it felt like this. I still get up and out most days, put on my makeup, meet friends etc. I just feel so detached from her and I don't know how to fix it.

I can't stop crying, but it only happens when I'm by myself. I feel trapped sometimes but I hate feeling that way because I wanted her so badly. She's our rainbow after multiple losses and I was so desperate to have her here in my arms and now I think my husband holds her more than I do. I've wasted the first 6 weeks of her life like this

Not sure if this even makes sense

This is PND. It may feel different to last time because every case is different. Speak to your doctor, don't delay. I was silly and wasted a lot of time before I got treatment.

@SharpLily thanks for replying. I will try speak to her, but will be a few weeks for an appointment

I don't understand why I can't just function normally with being a mum but keep having something wrong with me with both of them

Definitely PND. I can resonate with you so much. This was my first baby after a miscarriage. I was in love with my baby from the 1st scan all throughout pregnancy. I had a fast labour (3hr 43 mins from water breaking to baby on me) and having hand shoved into tummy during placenta delivery which I found the most traumatic part. Following all this, I knew I loved my baby, bought baby home and luckily my husband had 1 month paternity leave. But, I felt like I could not talk to baby, sing or communicate with him. I knew I loved him too but just didn't know what to say or do. My husband sometimes fed him all while singing and I couldn't so felt sad that maybe he is bonding with dad more and loves him more. Fast forward 3 months nearly 4, he loves both of us. Some things I found helpful was firstly going to GP, and telling them how I feel and they referred me to counselling, also buying baby books and black and white visual cards and doing those with him and watching some YouTube videos like a day in the life of a 1 month old etc to get ideas etc on what to do with that age. I also loved having a baby monitor just to check on baby when I go toilet etc but I ended up having precious moments like hugging baby captured aswell and then editing them putting music etc and it just made the moment more sweeter and you will get to look back on them and know you made it through hard times and will realise how much love you really do have for your baby. But really and truly, it's your baby, just having skin to skin contact with you will make baby feel loved and content. And you asking these questions even show you love your baby. Don't worry, this time will pass. Baby loves you you sound like a very loving mum. Your baby is very lucky to have you as a mother x

@Mumtobe202310 sorry I never saw this until now. I'm sorry to hear you struggled too but glad you've come out the other side and baby is doing well too. I feel exactly how you've said, I like to look at her and I know she's very cute and I love her but I just don't feel like I can speak to her, it's like a block. I have books and black and white sensory cards and little toys etc but I usually get my older DC to show her the cards and sometimes read her the book because I know how beneficial it is to her long term.

I just feel so down and guilty, I keep snapping at everyone and feel like I can't find things funny anymore. She was crying earlier, older DC was non stop chattering and complaining, the dog was barking and I just kept thinking it must be better to be dead than to be dealing with this. That scared me.

I spoke to the GP yesterday and he said it sounds like PND too and gave me medicine but said it could take 4-6 weeks to work. It just feels like I'll have wasted this whole stage and I know I'll regret it, but I also can't stop feeling like this. Very weird emotions