Sleep

[Mumtobe202310]

Dear mumsnetters,

Hope you all are well and your LOs. My son is going to turn 3 months in 3 days. I'm a first time mum. I've had a very difficult time after birth for many reasons but am seeking help for them.

One thing I find most difficult is sleep although my son doesn't cry throughout the night (I know I'm blessed) but the thing is I don't feel like I'm a blessing for him

A lot of the times I cannot tell how I've done something during the night... Like I'd bring him from his bassinet to the sofa bed and breastfeed him and I'll wake up with him next to me and I'd think what the hell why are you here and not in bassinet. (we sleep in sofa bed as bedroom to cold to use or do anything in) so we sleep in sofa bed in living room.

However, today, I woke up around 9.30am after the last time I remember at 7am I fed him breastmilk while lying in bed lime usual. My eyes opened at 9.30am and no word of a lie I opened my eyes and was like wheres my baby cos he wasn't on my side... He was laid lying across my legs!!!and we were sleeping on the side of the sofa bed! If I'd had moved my legs when I woke up best believe he would have fell too.

What has been worrying me is that, what if (this is going to sound crazy, delusional and irrational) he fell onto the wooden floors and I picked him up from there while he was crying and in a sleep state I didn't know and then got him to me and then I fell asleep and didn't know how he laid across my legs. I know this sounds irrational but this is how much brain is really thinking and it's horrible to be in this state and look after my son. Also forgot to mention, he has bronchiolitis and the 2 days before yesterday I made trips to A and E 2 days in a row. I'm not feeling too well myself.

Please tell me I havent gone crazy. It's just bothering me so much that I have no recollection of how he ended up laid across my legs!!! And I'm scared thinking what if he fell onto the wooden floors and I picked him up and calmed him all while being in a sleep state and then got him to me and calmed him and he fell asleep?!

Please help me.

Could you be so sleep starved for this to happen?

Don't panic OP. You sound like you're just a bit done in with the lack of sleep and illness. Is there anyone else who can watch baby for a bit so you can get a good solid four hour sleep?(assuming there's a window where you don't need to bf if you are)

I know when I've been extremely sleep deprived I've done odd things when half awake, it's not ideal and it freaks us out but it happens. If you're doing your best to follow safe sleep guidance on co sleeping etc it's v unlikely your baby will come to harm. I think in the short term you sound exhausted and need a little bit of respite if possible. I've got a 4 month old so I have an idea of how you're feeling

If you're really worried that baby may have fallen on the floor, there's no harm in getting him seen just to be checked over.