Post natal depression and baby routine

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi All,

I hope you're all doing well.

I gave birth to my son 8 weeks ago. It was a very much wanted pregnancy, last one was a miscarriage I only knew I was pregnant for 2 days before I miscarried so this time I was so anxious although I had no pregnancy symptoms at all pretty much. But my mental health was difficult to deal with I had ocd too. I am a Tesching assistant so work and the kids made me enjoy pregnancy a lot. However, my mental health robbed me off enjoying pregnancy as much as I could.

I had my maternity bag Al packed luckily as my baby actually arrived on his due date. I was not expecting to go into labour as I thought I'm a first time mum so will have more time. I was trying to look out for signs of labour etc mucus plug bloody show etc but had none of it. I wanted to know and be prepared mentally for labour so was looking out for these pre labour signs. However, my waters broke first and then contractions and then when I got to hospital had bloody show follow. When they checked me I was 6cm and they could see baby's head.

The rest was a blur. I was on gas and air nut for pushing part I wasn't as I was told by hubby. It was really fast for me (3 hours and 43 mins from home to baby on me). Followed by placenta delivery which was the worst part of birth for me. I genuinely feel that the lady stuck her hand up there and was saying she was checking for clotting and I was put on gas and air for this. I can't remember a lot of things even after birth I cannot remember little details of my moments with baby luckily hubby caught it on camera but I cannot recall those moments at all. Some parts I remember vaguely.

I have PND for which I'm receiving help and I was also under perinatal care due to history of depression etc.

I love my baby, but I genuinely am struggling with the thinking that am I doing things right. E.g, my baby sleeps through the night ever since birth. I know everyone is going to say I'm very lucky. But the thing is, I feel guilty thinking what if my baby wakes up and cries and I don't hear it. Many times my husband had to wake me. Also, when he does cry I will breastfeed or give my husband a bottle to feed him and fall asleep again. I feel bad that what if my baby is used to me not responding to his cues so maybe falls asleep and maybe I don't hear it! I feel so bad. Also, at night I don't change his nappy, and yesterday I came across an Instagram post where people mention they change nappy each time before feed and after feed etc and it's made me feel so guilty as I havent been doing that and thinking my son must be uncomfortable makes me so sad.

I've struggled a lot mentally and physically and emotionally since giving birth and I am struggling with this sleep, nappy and routine aspect and feeling that I'm not doing correctly. Please help me, what is a routine with an 8 week old supposed to look like, I know each baby is different but I mean in general.

Sorry for long post, thank you for reading. And I hope you all know you guys are doing an amazing job mamas💙

Our daytime routine at that age was something like nappy, feed nappy poo on mat feed sleep, nappy feed nappy-nappy sleep. She had undiagnosed allergies and had around 15-20 poos a day!
Around 6 weeks overnight we dropped the prefeed nappy change. We had been doing wake up, nappy change feed nappy change feed sleep (1h), hold for 1h then put her in the cot she would wake up 1h later and the cycle started. We dropped the prefeed nappy change and started cosleeping so our routine was wake, feed, nappy change feed and sleep about 40 minute. We both then slept for 2.5h.
Around 10 weeks she stopped pooing overnight and we dropped the overnight change altogether.

As long as baby isn't left too long in a solid and wet nappy don't stress your routine. Overnight pick one that gives you the most sleep with pnd its really important to optimise rest. I had severe pnd and spent some time on a mother and baby unit and they really drummed this in. They didn't allow cosleeping but this was due to the set up not being practical and encouraged safe cosleeping at home. My daughter was (is) a terrible sleeper so cosleeping saved us.

I had vig therapy for my pnd which is filming of you and your baby to answer questions for us they included does my baby like me and am i a good mum. They can be anything though related to bonding between parent and baby. I had such an good bond at 3 weeks but it disappeared to nothing over the course of my pnd

Hi op, I am so sorry to read about the tough time you have been experiencing. You are clearly a very caring and conscientious person, evident from your post and also the fact you have posted here looking for advice. You are doing a fantastic job as a mummy.

To answer your question, at 8 weeks we adopted a sleep-feed-play routine. So fed straight after a nap, then played on the mat/did tummy time or undertook an activity like a walk. We put baby to bed or for a nap based on their sleepy cues. We checked their nappy at least every hour, probably more regularly and still do, during the day. Just changed at night after a feed. Our baby also slept through for first 12 weeks or so, so we didnt change at night like you. I hope this is a little helpful but if you have any other questions, please post and I am sure there are lots of us here who will try to help.

All the very best to you and your family x

Ok it's normal to be stressed but don't listen to others too much. Yo can keep a record of your baby's routine daily, and it will change. It's early days yet. If your baby has no nappy rash then great. If the nappy is not dirty you could leave overnight. But pay attention to weight gain in the baby as sometimes they need to feed a bit more if weight dropped too much after birth. Your health visitor can help.