Is this PND?

[cakeorbreak]

I just can't put my finger on what's up with me.

I have a 5 month old baby and a two year old.

Everything in my life is pretty perfect yet I have this underlying sense of unease and anxiety over nothing in particular. Frequently feel my throat closing up and heart palpitations, dizziness.

I feel quite sad for no particular reason.

Change my mind frequently about what is making me miserable, eg is is the thought of going back to work, do I hate my job? Is it my DH? Is it the simple monotony of life right now?

Sleeping pretty well, exercising 2-3 times a week.

Guilt around not being a good mum, not fun enough, not patient enough even though I know in reality I am a great mum.

I desire calm and order so constantly striving for organisation at home eg tidy and clean house, good meals cooked etc so very high expectations of myself.

Not getting much enjoyment out of anything really other than time with my children which I love. I have no desire to do anything else, to see friends or spend time with DH. When they go to bed, I just go to bed.

I just feel stuck in my own head, just going through the motions daily, and then constant worrying that I'm 'wasting' this amazing time of my boys being small and not 'making the most of it' enough.

I am exclusively breastfeeding, had a pretty straightforward but very fast and extenemey painful birth if that's what relevant.

I also feel broody for another baby but no idea why, it's not practical for us and DH doesn't want another. I think my hormones are just wild.

Sorry - it's confusing but helped to get it down. I just feel really lost.

Anyone else? Is this PND? Can anyone relate?

Should note I had none of these feelings after birth of my first. It was just pure elation. I feel so guilty

Bump

Hi there! To me it does sound like PND but I’m not a doctor/psychologist. I was diagnosed with my DS about two years ago and I recognize quite a few of the things you describe there. I felt unable to make small decisions, was really happy with my life etc but just had this constant underlying feeling of anxiety and unease. I also had intrusive thoughts which would exacerbate the anxiety. Perhaps you should speak to your doctor and see if they’ll refer you to a psychologist for an assessment. I found speaking to someone last time helped. I wasn’t prescribed medication but maybe they would for you?

I’ve not long had my second baby and although feeling like I’m getting slowly better I am experiencing anxiety and intrusive thoughts for which they have prescribed me setraline 100mg. Ironically I’m anxious about starting to take any medication as I feel better than I did last time when I didn’t have any medication and I’ve read some of the side effects on these forums which sound horrible like feeling numb to positive emotions or feeling extra anxious and agitated at the start of taking them and I’m not sure it’s worth it. I’m going to my GP tomorrow talk it through with them. Anyway, just so you know you’re not alone.