Connection with baby

[NW7]

Hi all.

Looking for some support from others who may have been in a similar situation.

My baby boy is 4 weeks old and I am struggling to connect with him. I know, logically, that I love him, but struggling to really feel it. I had an emergency section where I was put to sleep, and then my baby was moved to NICU for 3 days.

My husband is fantastic and has an amazing bond with our baby already, but it makes me feel guilty/envious.

I find myself worrying that I will never get that deep motherly love for my child.

Did anyone else experience something similar? I would really appreciate any help!

Thanks so much

It took me 7 months for me to feel a connection and it was like a switch being turned on , I can now recognise I had some sort of depression from a traumatic birth .
I'm not saying that that's what you are suffering from but might be worth a chat to your health visitor or gp just in case , I very much wish I realised at the time and found some help .

It’s quite common, and great that you’re aware and talking about it. Have a chat with your health visitor. They’ll reassure you and also be able to chat with you about PND or signpost you to helpful resources in your area

Congratulation on the birth of your baby! I recently had my baby boy on 28th September. I had a fast labour missing the first stage of labour completely and did not know what to expect so everything pretty much was a blur. I also felt like how you are describing. Its really weird to explain it. Plus I was high off gas and air and didn't feel like myself completely after some time. I am thinking of getting a debrief about my birth to see if it might help. Maybe try that?

In regards to bonding, what I have been trying to do is take many photos of him, with me too which I feel is so important for mums, holding him and smelling him, kissing him, I also bought a journal from amazon it's a cute one with a personalised message for son on front leather and I am trying to write my feelings into it and also using the free prints app I want to print photos and stick into the journal and also on Pinterest there are lovely poems about mother and baby etc so I am writing those into it too as well as my own feelings and just write things so he knows he was loved and is loved even though as a mother I was struggling.

I hope this phase really passes quickly for you. Please understand that your birth was so difficult so show yourself love. The fact you posted your question indicates your love for your baby already. All my love and wishes for you and baby. You got this

Oh thanks so much for your responses - it's so helpful and really good to hear from other mums feeling similar.

I spoke to my health visitor last week, who also said it's quite normal for new mums to feel this way (even without the addition of a stressful birth). She also reassured me that the bond between my baby and I is there, I just cannot see it yet. Even questioning and worrying about bonding is a good indication that my bond and love for my child is there and growing. Reminding myself of that, whilst being kind to myself, has been helpful.

I also spoke to someone who emphasised the fact that becoming a mother is such a massive life change and it takes time to settle into being a mother; so, it's normal to feel some friction as I try to transition into motherhood.

Thanks so much again!