Still anxious taking 6 month old out - is it normal?

[Longdaysandnights1]

I am a first time mum and my LO is almost 7 months old now and although I love him so much I’m really finding being a mum incredibly difficult. I really struggle with feeling competent and enjoying the days.
We didn’t have the easiest start as he had really bad reflux (we didn’t know this at the time, the HV just told me it was normal and that babies cry and to get used to it) which meant he was crying uncontrollably most of the time he was awake and it was really hard, mostly impossible to get him to settle. We didn’t get the reflux diagnosed until he was well over 2 months old and by then I was a nervous wreck. I developed really bad anxiety and struggled to leave the house because if he was awake he was crying and it would be inconsolable and for hours, until he would finally accept a feed or until he was so tired he would go back to sleep. It was just easier to stay in the house. I would see other mums out with their babies playing with them and having fun and I just couldn’t do that. I was just on edge the whole time knowing he would wake up and the crying would begin. The doctor also said he had a cow’s milk allergy so we had to change his formula. The medication for the reflux and new formula started to help and the crying reduced considerably, which was great. He would be awake and not crying! We were even getting smiles!
However, I still struggle going out with him as he still often has inconsolable meltdowns that just happen out of nowhere - he will be so happy just seconds before. Because of this I’m so scared to go out as I’m just on edge the whole time. I just feel like a total failure. Whenever I do go out and meet with some of the mums from the NCT group their babies are all chilled and happy and my DS is just so fussy and on the verge of crying, or does cry and get himself so wound up into total hysterics. I feel like it must be me as the other mums don’t have this issue and I’ve asked them about it. I just really feel deflated and lost as I’m really struggling with getting much joy from my days and I worry this will impact my DS. I just wish I had some mum friends going through something similar so I could relax a bit when I’m out with them. Has anyone experienced anything similar and how did they cope?

Yes my DS would cry and cry, he's now a very chilled and happy Teen so there is hope.

Don't worry about him crying when you're out, keep reminding yourself that all babies do cry and it's Human nature for people to look, it doesn't mean they're passing any judgment. In fact if I look at a crying baby I'm usually thinking thank goodness we got through that stage!

It does sound as though you were incredibly let down by your HV. Maybe give yourself some time to think about that and know where you'll seek help in the future of your HV is so shit isn't going to be of assistance.

Which milk and medication is DS in and are they increasing his medication as his weight increases?

As for going out, do you have a regular group that you go to? I found that this helped to build my confidence (DS had TT not CMPA) as you get to know people and can feel less judged.

Sorry forgot to add, it might be worth speaking to PANDAS about your anxiety as there's a chance that it could be PND

Good to know there’s hope as sometimes I just feel so lost.

DS is on omeprazole for the reflux and it has increased a couple of times but it’s really hard to get through to the GP, we often get given a call with the pharmacist instead and they say he’s on the correct dose (3.5ml) which seems low because he has been on that dose since around 3m.

The formula is Aptimil Pepti 1 which seems to agree with him, although I hate that I can’t buy it off the shelf because I constantly have to reorder repeat prescriptions and they always say, “you need to order again already?” like I’m selling it off to people or just throwing it away for fun, which also gives me anxiety.

Yeah, I’ve not had a great experience with the HV so it’s not been very helpful for me.

I don’t want to make it sound all doom and gloom though. He has really great moments and he’s very smiley and giggly when he’s happy. It’s just that I can’t shake this feeling of anxiousness and that I’m not doing it right and it’s making him unhappy.

I have suffered with depression in the past and in the middle of the really bad reflux period I had to get the GP to increase my antidepressants, which helped a lot.

I know I just need to change my mindset to not care so much what happens when I’m out and worry about what people think but I just can’t seem to and it’s getting me down and my confidence is fading away.