Struggling again

[poochie9]

Hi all.
move been recovering from postnatal depression and ocd for months now.
i was really unwell for a few months and then I started to get better.
recently I’ve noticed that I’ve been declining again.
i reduced my medication slightly a few weeks ago, with the plan to stay on this lower dose for at least another 6 months. No rush to come off but I was feeling good for the most part and I just thought it would be easier in the long run if I reduced.
since then I’ve been unwell, my babies been unwell. Nothing serious just both full of a cold. I noticed my anxiety getting worse but I can’t pin point a specific topic or reason for it. I just have this feeling of uncomfortableness and racing thoughts in my head that set me on edge - again I’m struggling to even think of a specific thought that’s setting me on edge, I think it’s just the general business & running commentary in my brain. this was one of the first things I noticed when I became unwell after birth with PND and I am terrified this means I’m going to end up like that again.

i don’t know how much of it is down to me being poorly (I’d coped okay-ish with the reduced dose before this) or if my mental health is deteriorating because I’ve lowered my dose too soon.

i have a general feeling of un-ease, a noisy mind, hot flashes, and palpitations, feeling detached and it’s already making me want to retreat and not go outside (that and the shocking weather we’re having)

im now off on summer holidays with my little one for 6 weeks and I’m terrified I’m going to become non functional again.

just feeling a bit scared and like I’m taking backwards steps instead of continuing to move forward. We’re fast approaching my little girls first birthday and I don’t want to let her down or spoil her day

Hiya! Did you reduce your medication yourself or under guidance from Dr/perinatal nurse?

I would suggest reaching out first thing tomorrow to GP or Perinatal team if you’re under them, because even if only a temporary low period again (recovery isn’t a straight line sadly!) it’s best to ask asap.

It’s positive you can recognise this in yourself which I’m told is a huge part of the progress 😊

Wishing you all the best, lovely. Be kind to yourself and know how you feel now isn’t a forever feeling even though I know how much it can feel that way 🌻

Thank you for replying back so quickly!
i didn’t speak with my gp beforehand. I know that was probably stupid of me but I didn’t have the best experience with them when I first sought help. I was under the perinatal team and have been discharged from them but I suppose I could get in contact with my worker and see if she can offer any support.

that just feels like a big step backwards for me 😢 I guess it’s the right thing to do though.

i feel a bit trapped and even though when I was really poorly I felt like things would never get better, and they did, I feel the same way again now. Like I’m going to be stuck feeling this way forever

I had a horrendous experience with GP first as well and ended up in a Mother and Baby Unit before being discharged into perinatal, but was discharged from then in January. I’m so annoyed the amount of women dismissed.

Good idea to contact that team as hopefully they know a follow on team! Don’t think of it as a step back- if you broke your arm and a few weeks after physio you had some twinges you’d go back, right?

Where possible maybe try get out as much as you can to see people or run little errands - the same 4 walls can make the days feel longer and endless, whereas even a quick trip to Tesco makes me feel I can take something off on a list and I’ve seen other adults! Currently trying to think of a list of indoor summer activities that still require leaving the house for my family!

You’ve got this! From your first message- definitely not letting your little one down! Seeking and accepting help in the first place is you making the effort! One day at a time