Best tips going from 1 to 2 children?

[Eyelashwishes]

Hi everyone, I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd child. My first was born during covid and luckily had an amazing birth, but a horrendous time postpartum. A multitude of feeding issues, grief about breastfeeding ending wayyyy before I was ready and being completely isolated due to covid. I believe I may have suffered with postnatal depression, but was always pushed off as baby blues.

I'm terrified about baby no.2 🙈 I so desperately wanted to expand our family, but I'm so worried about how I'm going to feel afterwards and how I'm going to manage with a 3 year old to look after too. My baby is due nov/Dec and my son is due to start nursery in January so I'm so worried he's going to feel pushed out. I really don't want it to have a negative effect on him. Do I defer his place for a term?

I would love to know any of the things you did or wished you did that would have made things easier? Anything I can prepare for in advance? Any advice or tips welcome! Thank you!

It really depends on your child. My son started school a few weeks after baby was born and to be honest it was good as he had his own things to focus on rather than just home life which now includes baby. Just see how it goes during his settle in. Other than that getting him involved in ‘helping’ and calling him the big brother label a lot really made him feel special.

Thank you I really appreciate your reply. I'm finding it really hard to decide what's best, maybe it's just something I'll have to wait and see about but I'm feeling really anxious about it! He is very sociable and loves toddler groups and things like soft play, will happily go off and play with other children. But have never left him with people who are 'strangers' to him before 🙈 he goes for days with all different family members and is fine when he's there, but hates me leaving.

I am sure you will be fine, and the fact you are nervous about it shows you will be caring to both children. I wax exactly the same as you, I had a covid baby and now have a 1 year old.
I got the 3 year old to help me and get involved and made sure to let my husband or mum have the baby sometimes so I could have some 1 on 1 time with my 3 year old. When he went to nursery I said how fun it was and he was a big boy with his friends and he always seems happy about that. There will be times they are a bit jealous but they will love each other and it’s exciting for the older child ❤️

Thank you for this. I guess its just the unknown. I had a really rough time post partum with my first, he was a covid baby too and I felt so isolated and he had colic so cried ALOT and barely ever slept until the colic went. So I think maybe I'm worried all my times going to be taken up and I won't be able to spend time and attention on my oldest. Thank you for your message it's reassured me a little.

Btw I found a baby carrier helped a lot in the early days - baby was happy in there and I could do crafts or go for a walk to the shops with my eldest at the same time. So worth a try if you haven’t already got one.

When he was born, my second baby brought a lightsaber with him for my older child! That got them off to a good start....

Could you start him at nursery sooner before the bag arrives this way he will not feel pushed out. My little girl was 3 years 2 months when my little boy was born and yeah there were times she did struggle but they soon adapt. Keeping his routine will be key. I had a dreadful time op first time and 2nd time it wasn’t the easiest for several reasons but 8 months in everything and everyone is doing well

Thank you, I need to get a baby carrier that's going straight on my list! Any recommendations at all?

And yes love the present idea! My son is OBSESSED with sharks so I'm thinking something shark related will hopefully get them off to a good start 🤣

I agree that starting nursery earlier would be better than starting later if that's a possibility.

The sling is a godsend.

You won't be able to leave the two of them in the same room so I found it really useful to have a place to put DS2 in basically all the main areas - so his bouncer is in the kitchen, his bath seat is permanently on the floor of the bathroom, there's a jungle gym in the living room.

There's a really good Daniel Tiger episode about a new baby brother. I mean it's awful, but there's a song "there's time for you, and baby too" that clearly resonated with DS1. I often say to DS2 "I'm sorry (name) but you're going to have to wait right now as I'm getting your brother's breakfast", just to make it clear the baby doesn't always come first.

One thing I did that I hope helped DS1 is prioritise certain rituals - he always gets books and stories in bed from me. If DP is around that's easier (even though DS2's witching hour means he's often screaming while DP holds him). When DP is working late it's definitely trickier, but I try and manipulate naps so that DS2 is sleeping in the sling.

Think about things that you and DS1 do together that you can do with a baby sleeping in a sling. So I can't chase after him on a bike, but I can do Lego and read to him, so for his birthday (which came shortly after DS2's birth) he got a lot of Lego!

Oh, and you should go to a sling library if you can but I personally love the Mamaruga Zensling, one of the few buckle carriers that actually feels snuggly with a newborn.

I really think you will be ok. I had terrible post natal desperation with the first child but I seemed to cope so much better with two, it’s odd but you adapt so much quicker! I wish you so much luck and use your support network too! Xx