Not leaving the house

[Hedgehogdetective]

My baby is just over 3 months now and I don’t get out much. I’m breastfeeding and have an over supply so it’s really messy and I need to use lots of towels. I also get a fast let down so nipples spray everywhere. So going out isn’t easy

i also don’t feel confident going outside. Since the birth my hair and skin have been a mess. My hair has changed and become difficult to work with. My cheeks are always red and I don’t wear make up so I look tired and rough. I haven’t been to any groups or anything because I worry I look a mess and people will judge me.

baby only sleeps on me and if put down will wake up so some days I don’t get to shower. I’m already on anti depressants which I’ve been on for years.

I don’t know how to get my confidence back so I can go out and meet people instead of sitting alone in my house with the baby everyday

Start small. Feed baby then pop out for a coffee to a nearby café - on foot in the pram or in the car. Or just for a walk to the park.
The letdown thing is likely to settle down over time. You could try a sling so he can nap on you but you can still walk around - it’s easier when they’re small and still fairly lightweight.

Honestly, so many women are in the exact same situation as you. I think it's probably the minority who are confident about their appearance in the weeks after giving birth! No one will judge you, and if they do then it's a shitty group. Do you have access to the postnatal mental health team? Some areas offer hands-on support to help you get out of the house to classes and stuff - my best friend was assigned a lady who came out once a week to help them get up and out to a song and movement class. Do you have any friends who might be able to come along with you?

The gentlest and kindest group I went to either DD was a breastfeeding support group run by two lovely ladies. I kept going for a long time after any feeding issues were resolved because it was such a welcoming and safe space. Your health visitor might be able to suggest some local groups too.

Hey OP, congrats on your baby!
I found that I felt exactly the same with my first baby, I found it hard to shower as she wouldn't be put down, and just couldn't face groups as I felt I'd be judged. I found though once she'd got to 4 months, she would sit in her bouncy chair and be mesmerised by the sound of the shower- maybe your baby may sit while they are awake for 10 mins? I know lots don't though and timing is everything. Do you have a partner? If so try and get your shower when they are around even if that means changing your routine. It will boost your confidence just feeling fresh.

In my area there are free breastfeeding groups- maybe you could look to see if there is one in your area as this could be a start to meet some people and there would be no judgement if things got a bit messy feeding while you are out. Just take lots of muslins and a dry top for you!

Please don't feel you will be judged for your hair/makeup, we've all been there where we don't have time or energy to look our best- or the inclination!

And finally, if you feel that your antidepressants are no longer helping, then try and see your GP. There's no shame in upping the dose of them or being referred for some talking therapy if you're struggling. Wishing you all the best x

I'd definitely second a sling or carrier - I wish I'd gotten round to that much sooner as it makes life a lot easier.

Trust me, you won't be the only one at a baby group who isn't looking their best! And everyone is desperate for mum friends so likely will be really friendly (and very understanding of leaky boobs/fussy babies etc)

It seems monumental to go out with a baby at first, but it becomes second nature really quickly. Good luck.

Thanks for your suggestions, she usually naps after a feed and it can be hard getting her to nap as she fights sleep and gets over tired so whenever she nods off on me I just leave her. So I’ll be stuck for an hour or so everyday. She hates the sling as well so haven’t been able to do that :(

Forgot to add I feel really anxious when I have managed to go out. One time I went out baby was hysterically crying and I felt so embarrassed that everyone would be judging me thinking I can’t soothe my own baby or that I’m not looking after her properly.

I went to the doctors to get my smear and left my baby with my husband and I felt so stressed in the waiting area as a woman had two girls who were really loud and I think the mum was taking photos of me (yes I’m super paranoid :( ). When I went in to get my smear the nurse was cold and unfriendly and when she started I was in a lot of pain and she didn’t even say are you okay she wasn’t bothered at all. So it feels like whenever I have tried to leave the house something bad happens

Sounds like anxiety talking. But you can see some of these thoughts you’re having aren’t rational or maybe proportional. I know because you say you’re paranoid. So it sounds like you want to get out more and are ready to try a few things, even if it means pushing through some anxious thoughts.
if you leave the house more, more things will happen when you leave the house. Some will be bad, but most will be good.
How does your baby do in the pram? How about aiming to do a half hour walk? Feed baby, strap in pram and go. It doesn’t matter if baby is crying. Pushing a baby in a pram is a well know technique for getting babies to fall asleep so if anyone sees or hears they’ll just think you’re a new mum trying to get baby to sleep by going for a walk. A little bit of crying won’t hurt and you can always stop for a cuddle on a bench if they don’t calm down after a few minutes.
It’s useful to understand how baby sleep/wakefulness works but it honestly doesn’t matter in the long term if you mess up the routine a bit. An overtired baby is not a disaster, it’s just a bit frustrating. You and your baby will get over it. It’s worth trying new things from time to time or even repeating stuff that didn’t work a few weeks ago- like a nap on the go in the pram. At this age they are changing so rapidly that something they hated 4 weeks ago could become their favourite thing next month.