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Postnatal health

Family causing stress

1 reply

Hedgehogdetective · 09/05/2023 11:36

I’ve had mental health issues all my adult life, I’m on medication and have been coping well. I was worried being pregnant and having a baby would be hard in terms of my mental health but surprisingly I’ve been fine. However despite this, my family are causing me stress. My mum has bipolar and has been on highs ever since I told her I was pregnant. She buys and buys and some people would say that’s a good thing but she can’t afford it and what she buys isn’t appropriate for a baby anyway (she bought a magazine for 4+ and told me to keep it until baby is older.. I can’t hoard items for 4 years). It’s also stressful trying to figure out where to put everything and a lot of it is tat (I really hope I don’t sound spoiled..)

she has also had paranoid delusions and makes comments so this isn’t a positive environment to be around. I told my dad to no longer bring her to my home (she can’t drive) as whenever she came she never offered to help with housework or the baby but instead asked me to do things for her in my own home. She’s totally oblivious. I know people will say the obvious answer is to stop spending time with her but I have told my dad to stop bringing her but he still does. She then started writing to me because I blocked her number. I asked for this to stop too.

I feel really low as well because this is just making me realise how unsupported I am, during my pregnancy I couldn’t ask my mum questions or get advice. Now I have a baby it’s the same, she doesn’t have the capacity to care for herself let alone a baby. I feel alone and it’s kinda triggering me making me think about my own childhood.

my dad also comes to my home and makes negative comments and it’s made me realise that the reason I’m a bit ocd and a perfectionist is because nothing I do is ever good enough for him. When my parents say they’re coming over I feel the need to clean and tidy the house and I’ve only realised why now. Because I know a comment will be made. This is despite my parents own home being a mess and hasn’t been dusted in years.

I want to spend less time with my family but I feel lonely and isolated. I don’t go out with baby because I feel I look a mess and I’m worried if baby is upset people will judge me and think I’m not looking after her correctly.

any advice is appreciated (sorry it’s long)

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/05/2023 22:23

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

My M has never been supportive either and you're allowed to be upset about not having the relationship you wanted with your M.

My M is extremely critical and it's taken me a long time but I've realised that I don't have to spend time trying to please her and whatever I do will be wrong so I just don't bother trying anymore.

Do you feel up to saying that you are going out next time they say that they're coming over?

They sound very toxic and I think I'd be going out every single time they wanted to come around.

I can remember one MNer saying that she kept a coat by the Door and had it on her hand when anybody knocked on. If it was someone she didn't want to see she then sort I'd waved the pay and said "oh sorry, I was just on my way out".

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