I’m slowly losing all confidence

[TheIves]

Just writing this is exhausting. I have a good baby that only wakes once in the night. She’s a smiley, happy baby. But we’ve had problems with wind and now teething. Everything has been a fight.

She’s 3 months old and I love her so much but I don’t love the person I am right now. I started my parenting journey with a 3 degree tear with 4th degree attributes. My anxiety from the ordeal has given me what my GP has described as PTSD (I’m not sure) I’m exhausted. I fifth (that’s right, not second) guess everything I do.

A usually confident person, who’s got her own business I’m struggling to leave the house. What if my baby cries? What if people look at me? It’s ridiculous and frustrating.

I want to cry. I hate my body. I hate myself for being so miserable. I hate myself for being unprepared.

and sometimes I hate my husband who has all of his freedom still.

Does this get easier, is there light at the end of this long, lonely tunnel?

I felt like this, honestly the first few weeks were so hard and I didn't enjoy it at all - and I didn't have a traumatic birth to contend with on top of everything else!

I'm five months in and things are so much better - I'd describe it as a slow process of falling in love! It also just took a bit of time to adjust to doing things with a whole new person all the time, and your confidence will keep growing and growing. And try not to give a fuck what other people think. This is key 😂

Therapy helps and the best thing is to just make sure you get out every single day. A walk, a baby group, go and sit in a coffee shop or take your baby out to the shopping mall / into town and have a wander. Even for a drive!

First time round is hard, you question everything and quite frankly the first year is the hardest and can be a shit time full of highs and lows that you just need to survive. It gets easier after year 1.

Dont worry about your baby crying it’s totally normal. I used to find if my baby cried or I was clearly having a bad day I’d get older ladies or other mums coming up and chatting to me if I was on my own, offering words of sympathy.

But yeah to help yourself go out and be around other people. It’s good for your baby as well and tires them out.