Generally struggling with life, 16 month old toddler

[HettyMeg]

I don't really know where to start. I feel like I should be taking life in my stride but everything feels overwhelming. I work 4 days a week in a stressful job and have a 16 month old toddler so life is demanding. My husband works full time. I get two nights a week to myself where I do hobbies but for the last few weeks haven't had the energy. We have no family nearby and despite having good relationships with our parents they are all a couple of hours away so they are not forthcoming about giving us a break once in a while - they are fine if we book them in months in advance for a planned event but not for general help - little one has never been taken out to the park or cafe by them for example.

I had a very quick birth and although it wasn't classed as traumatic medically, it felt that way to me and I kept replaying it in my mind for weeks, my daughter also had jaundice in the beginning and I really struggled with being in hospital with her. All of this is over a year ago now but I still think it's affecting me in some way. I also had my own health scare last year which led to a few days in hospital and has made me a more anxious person. I just feel so tired all the time and that I can never be truly refreshed or get a rest. Have felt this way on and off for six months (since hospital stay and going back to work). I've had a lingering virus for the whole of March for example. I just feel continually a bit crap, but I don't know if it's enough to seek help from GP ie I don't think it's full blown depression.

Bump

I really feel for you. The replaying of the birth in your mind jumped out at me. I have an 18 month old (same birth story as you - not medically traumatic but psychologically hard and ICU baby) and find myself doing that too unless I'm happy and busy and distracted. I do it less now but it still happens.

How is your physical health? i would make sure you're eating healthily and try not to get run down. You have a lot on. I think it's fairly common for people to struggle at this time in life. I went to a science exhibit on happiness once and they said that self reported well being dropped significantly in your 30s as that's when most people have young children!

CBT a for the birth trauma is probably a good idea too (not that I've done it myself, but maybe I should!)

Thanks for sharing your experience, interesting that wellbeing drops so much in our 30s.

My physical health is OK- not what it was, but still within healthy BMI etc. But I know I need to exercise more and eat less chocolate- I ate it almost every night while breastfeeding for nearly a year so it's become second nature. I used to run 3x a week before pregnancy but stopped since having my baby due to pelvic issues.

It's all interlinked so I know the things I need to do. It's probably that I need to focus my energy on doing them- just finding it so hard. Meant to be off work this week but toddler is sick again so off nursery so all my plans to do things around house and chill have been cancelled

It’s just a really knackering stage. At 16 months kids are peak into everything and no self control or awareness of danger. It’s really relentless cause it’s hard to just ‘be’ and relax with a child this age so that’s exhausting in itself. Plus work yada yada.

all this shit weather doesn’t help moods either. Kids tend to get a lot easier once they hit about 2 and they get their language explosion and can understand the world and communicate better. Hang on in there….

First step would be some blood tests to rule out anemia, low vitamin d, b12 etc.
Your life sounds really full on.
Could you have a holiday - even a week away as a change of scene can do with works of good.

@Ohlalahair so true, my little one is so curious too which I love but definitely quite tiring

@Cherrybl0ssm hadn't thought of tests. We have a family holiday coming up in the summer but I feel like I need a break sooner so may see if we can afford a night away somewhere local. We'd have to take our little one as no help available from grandparents.