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Postnatal health

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Relationship after baby

4 replies

PigglePuggle · 26/03/2023 19:31

DP and I have been together for 3 years and baby is 15 weeks old. DP is a good partner and dad, he does a lot around the house and dotes on DS but I just feel like I don’t love him anymore. It started off with resentment and almost hatred, I’m EBF so he can’t help with night feeds but now that feels as though it’s faded and I just feel indifferent towards him and like there is something missing. I can’t work out if this is just my hormones or if I genuinely don’t love him anymore. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this because it’s not like anyone can tell me whether my feelings are genuine or hormonal. I guess I’m just wondering whether anyone else has experienced this after having a baby?

OP posts:
PretzelBite · 27/03/2023 20:11

Completely normal to feel resentful/upset/angry for a while - your world has turned upside down! Michelle Obama said she didn’t even like Barack for the young years of dcs. Give yourself time to fully heal and hormones to even out then see how you feel.

mummabubs · 27/03/2023 20:51

I definitely did to some degree. I'd always wanted to be a mum, but I also found it really hard/ unfair how my life completely changed overnight and my DH still got to do things that were meaningful to him, his body hadn't stretched beyond all recognition and he didn't have to deal with suddenly lactating. I really resented it all, and him at times.

I think there were other things at play for us but sleep deprivation definitely brought all the stresses of our relationship to the surface. We also don't have any family locally, so haven't had many opportunities to just spend quality time alone together since we became parents 5 years ago - maybe once a year if that. Our youngest is now nearly 2 and we're finally starting to rediscover our rhythm as a couple. Hopefully it won't take that long for you but just to say it's definitely normal to feel like you do right now. X

househokks · 27/03/2023 22:03

I felt like this with my first baby and husband - total resentment and fell out of love
He wasnt hands on and nothing really changed for him but everything did for me
We split when baby was 22months
I'm now with my new husband 11 yrs on and baby no 2 and I've never been more in love with him than I am now and we've had a hard 6 months of colicky cmpa cryey baby with a traumatic birth and recovery
For me it made me reevaluate my relationship

Girlmumma1 · 31/03/2023 15:43

15 weeks is so so early, and everything changes overnight and life feels like it's all over the place with this new person to look after.

My DD is 8 months and I've struggled back and forth with this with my DH. I go through phases of being so resentful of him because I can't even go to the toilet without sorting out DD, let alone being able to go to the gym or do what I want to do. I resent that he still has his freedom, and I really resent that his body hasn't changed at all.

But I had to take a step back and think about it all and ask myself if it's hormones or if I genuinely fell out of love. The odd thing I found, this seems to appear around my period, I get resentful, question the relationship, go off him, and then a week after my period, it's like a light switch, seeing how much I love him and how great we are. I found it quite scary having those feelings until I noticed a pattern.

Sorry I've rambled - but what im trying to say is it could be hormonal, it's a big change, and caring for a baby is hard work, especially when it feels like you're the only one doing everything.

However, as a PP said, it could genuinely be a time when you're re-evaluating what's best for you and baby. But I wouldn't rush into anything.

Also - everyone expects you be happy constantly and over the moon with your new baby, but it is really really tough. There's good days and bad days but I personally feel that not a lot of people admit that sometimes it's shit. It can be really shit, but that's ok. You're allowed to feel how you're feeling. Some days I could just stare at my daughter all day in absolute awe of her, and other days I really really struggle, especially if she's upset all day or teething. sometimes I need a good cry myself.

It's so so hard, I really hope you're doing ok. Congrats on the baby too 🥰

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