I feel terrible that it took me 5.5. years to concieve my beautiful sun (and a loss of a stillborn daughter quite late in pregnancy, and a miscarriage in between) and I am struggling some days with this...
My main issues are insomnia which has dragged on for months and months. It has improved as there were times the babies sleep was so short and feedings were back to back literally every hour for a few months. I found it really threw my sleep cycle off, and my anxiety became so unbearable, when he did sleep I could not allow myself to fall asleep. It was like a mental block, which lead to nights to severe anxiety where I could not sleep literally all night. Thank god now I can sleep for blocks of 3-4 hours at a time. But he is sleeping through the night now and I still wake up in the middle of the night and struggle to take naps when he is asleep. It is like I am 'always switched on' if that makes sense. I am so tired of it and he is now 7 months. Like I said I am getting gradually better but it is just exhausting.
I went to the doctor during that peak and she gave me some xanax and medium dose anti-dep. I took them for about 3 months and decided they were not really helping and I hate relying on them too, so i dosed myself off gradually which was a risk but I dont see myself going back on them. I exercise when I can to keep my mood up and try walk ever day with baby as I know its good for us both.
A key thing is I have a narcisstic mother who I have had to cut contact with after 40 plus years of hell to be honest, she would not have been much help anyway as she lives abroad and is not a maternal caring supportive type in the practical sense (she tends to buy gifts more than say cook dinner for you or clean/take the baby). It was not an easy decision as I have gone back and forth many times over the years but it is an unhealthy rel for me so I had no choice. My father is dead, my stepfather a Jehovah Witness Snr member so if I dont want my son to be potentially converted (covertly too) I have to be careful about allowing him to stay around him. My husbands family live in another country and we don't have many friends so support has been non existent which I think has made the pressure and overwhelming feeling much worse. My husband and I have cared 24/7 around the clock for our son and have not given him to one person for the above reasons. I think this has been really hard.
I am also a career woman in my mid 40's- who was used to travelling around the world, doing what I pleased and laying in bed later - that has all come to an end lol! But honestly, can anyone please tell me did it get better for you?
I really would like to hear some helpful recovery stories.
I am trying to drink coffee earlier in the day, walk, exercise a little (still have a belly which is getting me down as I am a useless dieter :) but I am trying to keep fit) and also started taking magnesium as I heard it is good for natural sleep.
I really want to beat this, I do love my son. I just hate the way I am like a zombie and cannot get fully past this anxious, stage. I cannot even sleep in the same room as my husband as I am sleeping mentally with one eye open and have to go to another room to get the rest I need to care for my son the next day. This is sad.