Baby blues - when does it get better?

[loopyloutoo]

Truth is I don't know if it's PND, anxiety or baby blues.

I have a one month old and I just feel really sad. I can't get my head around the fact that I have to look after another human 24/7 - it just feels so overwhelming. I have a supportive partner but his job is safety-critical and he really needs rest so I do take the bulk of night feeds (he helps loads aside from this) and we do have some family support (mine are 2hr away but come often)

I just feel this sadness all the time. When the baby wakes up I think oh god oh god, how can I settle them. I do love them so much, but I just feel sad.

I've been v honest with the HV and GP and have been put on fluoxetine- I'm two weeks in, I suppose I feel a bit better but today I feel v sad. I don't feel like I would hurt myself or anything like that, I think it's anxiety more than anything.

I suppose I'm just asking if anyone else has experienced this and how long it took you to feel better? I feel so bad that im finding this so tough. The days just seem so long.

Sounds more like PND than baby blues especially as GP has out you on medication. You are still very early days I struggled really bad with my first but didn’t seek help. This time with my second I have struggled and being honest about it helps. I think it’s the unpredictability of a newborn when it’s your first is hard so you will find that after about 8-12 weeks things start to fall into place and you will start to find things easier

Thank you - yes I keep seeing that about 12 weeks so I really hope so!

Hey lovely
You have my sympathy, I'm 6 weeks postpartum with my 3rd daughter. I feel like no matter how many children you have it's definitely not easier.. I've felt exactly the same and I genuinely think it's completely normal to feel sad in the newborn stage, your hormones are all over the show, you now have a tiny human so dependant on you (that alone is so much pressure) lack of sleep the list is endless. At 4 weeks I was thinking to myself "what the f*ck have I done here"
We shouldn't feel guilty for feeling sad or thinking we are failing because we aren't overjoyed. I love all of my children and in myself I feel good. But babies are such hard work! My advice is to take each day as it comes, embrace the good days and chill on the bad days & definitely get out when you can. It will get better & it'll get better without you even realising it, you'll realise your beginning to smile & laugh again & enjoying the baby! You'll get there for sure! I'm only just beginning to find my feet again and feeling more settled 😊

I feel for you, I am 7 months in and still not fully 'better'!
Having a baby is a shock to the system no matter how much we love them. Don't feel guilty for that. I wish I had listened to the 'rest when baby rests' advice- even though I have terrible sleep now I should have rested (if I could not sleep) when he rested.

Don't try to do too much- I did and it made exhaustion worse.
Try ask for an evening off or if you have family to mind the baby- you need space. Whether that is coffee with a friend, nails, cinema, spa - whatever!

Hugs and Love your way.

P.S. the first few months are very very tough. Be kind to yourself. I am not recovered yet but it does get a bit easier as they grow more as they get used to sleeping for longer periods so you can take rest and a breather. Self care! x

DS is 12 weeks and I felt heaps better from 8weeks. He was beginning to smile and engage with me more.
Did you do NCT or anything? I found it massively helpful to spend time with the women who also had babies at similar times, either through baby groups or people I met at ante natal classes. Leaving the house every day and speaking to other adults was brilliant. It wasn’t always easy getting organised but it got easier the more I did it.

Aw gosh i totally understand!!. I honestly felt so drained, motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks!.
My baby is 10 months now, and yes I still get my off days but I think from he hit around 8 months I started to feel better.
I didnt seek professional help, I spoke to my family and partner about it. I've never suffered from depression in the past, but I felt so guilty that I was depressed which made me even worse.
I just had to keep going. But when I tell you time goes fast, it goes fast!. You may not think it now but what is happening at the moment doesn't last forever

It is a mixture of emotions, I never even had to look after a dog in my life let alone a human! But I did it, and you will do it too. Its when they wake so early in the morning and you're literally praying for them to fall back over to sleep.

I became an absolute hermit, I didn't want to waste an opportunity by taking him out then him falling asleep. Because I knew I couldn't sleep too lol.

But now 10 months in, I'm feeling I'm somewhat getting the hang of being a mother. These emotions are normal and valid.
There is far to much pressure on parents, everyone I met was like it is amazing, loving it. I thought I was going crazy. But now, I do love it. I Love it even more when I get a good sleep lol.

I will add that I ended up making a rule with my partner. when my partner was off at the weekend, I got to sleep in the spare room and lay in. So It gave me something to look forward too! ( the little things lol).

What I am trying to say is, keep paddling your boat. Keep going Because bighter days are ahead. You will get through this!

I remember I had baby blues for a good 4 weeks and I felt super low, I would cry every day, in the mornings I would feel okay but then the evening would draw in and I just felt so alone and like withdrawn from myself, the bb wore off after probably 1 month but my daughter was a bad sleeper for a long time so I spent probably the first 12 months of her life sleep deprived and honestly sleep deprivation puts you in such an awful place, I can honestly say, 2 years on, I can look back at that experience and think that wasn’t me, I was completely driven by hormones and lack of sleep, I didn’t really talk to any one about it at the time and even when I did try, I didn’t really get the support I needed. I think keys things all mums need after birth is 1. Support and people to talk to, speak to your family, your partner, your HV 2. Find other mums, this helped me massively, I met a mum with a similar age baby and I felt like some one actually really understood me. 3. Try to force yourself to get out every day, surround yourself with people as much as possible. Having an infant or baby can really be very lonely, so having people around you is key. Be kind to yourself, try to find fragments of time to do something that you enjoy, even if it’s a walk of a evening on a nice night without your baby when your partner is home. The saying ‘it takes a village’ is so so true and I think mums are just left now and I think with your first it’s such a shock to the system. Please don’t underestimate how powerful your post birth hormones are, you will feel better in time, my little girl is 2 now and I feel ‘myself’ again (well a new different version), but I was low for a good while, especially in the early days

This is such a helpful post thank you. I'm not the OP but 6 months in I'm still struggling with the lack of sleep and can feel really low. Your post has really helped xx

@Purple89 Really glad it helped. I could honestly write an essay on how I felt after giving birth and the 2 years following haha. I hate seeing all these ‘influencers’ and people making out like they are living this beautiful amazing dream after having a baby, the reality is it’s unbelievably hard being a mum, you have to learn the new you and you absolutely won’t find yourself until that sleep deprivation eases off, no one is themselves without sleep. As I said in the original post, my little girl was an awful sleeper but now at 2 she’s actually really good (I say terrified incase I jinx it) and even though I found those first two years so so hard and felt a shell of myself, I can honestly say I did a great job in raising her and have no regrets and I’m proud of myself for the job I did with very little help and barely any sleep. Things will honestly get better in time and you will eventually find a new normal 😊hang on in there xx

Agree with all the other Mums.

But it does get better.

My LO is 20months old and I am besotted with him. I never thought it would get better and I would.love him this much.

What you are feeling is normal. But of it is very intrusive and you feel like garming yourself or Bubba do not be ashamed to reach out for help. The hormones are off wack and lack of sleep etc etc. You are not a bad mum. Give yourself some grace.

Did this get better for you?