Can’t have sex.. what is causing this?

[Mumandscrewed]

I’m 18 months post partum and I haven’t yet had sex since giving birth. I had a traumatic birth with episiotomy and I’m still breastfeeding if that matters.

I split with my partner shortly after birth, and I’m only just looking at dating now.. when I was with my ex we couldn’t have sex as it was painful and felt like there was a ‘blockage’ or something in the way, but I just assumed it was because I was still healing.

Ive just tried to insert a toy for the first time in months, and the same thing has happened - I get about 2-3 inches in and it’s like there is a wall that I can’t get past. I’m totally relaxed too so it’s not like I’m tense.

I can insert a finger fine without any pain but that also wouldn’t be much longer than where the toy gets to.

Has anyone been in this position or have any ideas what I can do to make it better? I’m only 33 and really couldn’t bear not being able to date someone because I can’t have sex!

Go to your GP. I had this plus ongoing pain after an episiotomy and forceps delivery. It was a combination of scarring and the way I had been sewn up. I was referred to a gynaecologist and there was talk of reconstructive surgery. In the end I had a second child and they did the repair then.

Oh God I'm having this. Also episiotomy delivery. I was rather hoping it might go away so I bought a set of those vaginal dilators but I haven't had a chance to actually use them yet because the babies are full on. I had a traumatic birth and I would rather never have sex again than let anyone near my vag for any kind of examination or reconstruction surgery. I can't even countenance my next smear atm and I'm 15 months post-birth.

@BlueMoon23 this is my worry, I think it’s scarring as it feels like a ledge almost and I had PPH after birth which meant they had to sew me up quickly.

the worry is I won’t even be able to have a second child at this rate.. sorry if this is quite an invasive question but we’re you able to do anything to help in the meantime that did help you to conceive? Anything like dilators?

@IsItBedtimeYetNope dont do the smear. I did it about 6 months ago and it was excruciating- even with a smaller speculum.

please let me know if you do manage to use the dilators at some point, I’m assuming a referral to gynae will take months so wondering if there is anything I can do to help myself in the meantime 😩

I didn't try them. I was able to have sex but had to be really careful as it was so sensitive and often painful. Luckily, I had a very sensitive partner. The consultant did give me numbing cream to insert but by then I was pregnant so was knackered! After the repair I was absolutely fine so I wish I had got help earlier

Smears I still find very difficult. I always explain to them beforehand I have birth trauma. I find if I cough as they are inserting the speculum it helps. Not sure why but I suspect something to do with pelvic floor

Thank you! Going to get an appointment this week and push for a referral. Hopefully I won’t be waiting too long 😩

Might give the dilators a try in the meantime just in case they help.

In our area you can self refer to physio- including specialist women’s physio, maybe look into that? They would be able to examine you and advise i reckon.