DD1 was a covid baby and very high needs (undiagnosed CMPA). She used to cry all day, everyday. That in combination with social restrictions catapulted me into severe PND. Stupidly I couldn't even attend the CBT sessions I was offered due to how unsettled she was all the time. She was breastfed and would never take a full feed in one go so I could never really leave her with anyone.
Anyway...fast forward 2.5 years, I now have DD2. During my pregnancy I thought to myself, what are the chances I have TWO high needs kids? HAHAHA. Answer: high. Very fucking high.
DD2 and I had to stay in hospital for a week for various reasons. She is every so slightly more manageable than DD1 was but so similar in so many ways- cries during and after every feed, straining and struggling to fart and poo all day everyday, rarely has a calm moment when I can just mentally relax. I try and get things done in the rare pockets and moments when she isn't screaming her little head off, while carrying the guilt of not giving DD1 the attention she is clearly craving.
I've been dairy and soy free since week 2. We even saw a paeds allergy consultant privately and he concluded that she just has an extra sensitive gut due to the antibiotics she was on so early in life and that I just have to ride it out until her gut is stronger.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I just need to vent. DH is amazing and works long hours and then helps with whatever is left to do when he gets home. He's DD1's new mum.
I really need to get out of the house but DD2 is always so unsettled and because she is so on and off with her feeding, I am just too nervous to go out while she might be hungry. She hates the car seat so any trips I make are accompanied by the blood curdling screams from the back of the car, with the occasional resulting vomit.
Please tell me it gets better. Ideally also WHEN it gets better. I know the signs of PND and I'm not there yet. I really fight my own thoughts and am constantly talking my anxious self down, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to stay positive.