Baby Blues?

[Rose253]

Hi, im writing this as im struggling massively. I gave birth 8 days ago to the most gorgeous little boy, but for the past 4/5 days i have felt the lowest I've ever felt. I regret having him, I feel like things in my marriage will change. I miss it just being me and my husband, having us time being just us all the time... We tried for this baby for 3 years, even paid for private treatment as I wasnt ovulating and managed to conceive naturally. I was over the moon, its something i've wanted for the longest time but now I just feel dead inside, I feel like i miss my old life, this is what i really wanted... Will this go away? Will it get better?
thanks in advance

I felt this exact way for about 3 weeks after giving birth. It’s completely normal (but very unfair!) to feel this way - you’re having a huge hormonal shift, barely any sleep and adjusting to enormous change. Things will get better. Before you know it your baby will sleep for longer stretches, smile back at you etc and you will start to feel more human. Try to eat as healthily as you can, drink water and rest when you’re able. If you’re still feeling like this in a few weeks reach out to your health visitor for some advice. It’s different for everyone - some people love the newborn stage and soaking up cuddles and feed, nappy, sleep, feed, nappy, sleep, but it’s bloody hard and I didn’t. My daughter is 13 weeks now and everything is so much easier and I feel so much more love for her and my new life. You will get there, just take one day at a time and speak about your feelings to your partner/friends/health visitor. Take care of yourself x

Thank you so much for the response, its made me feel better that im not alone in feeling like this.. its all so overwhelming and I think the thing im missing the most is it just being me and my partner, I cant wait for this to be over so I can actually enjoy him and not feel depressed allday. Thanks again for the reply❤️

@Rose253 I know how you feel completely, the first few weeks are so full on as well that you barely see eachother and when you do you’re tired/grumpy etc. I felt like I’d ruined my marriage for the first 2 months! I know it’s so hard to stay positive but things will slowly get much easier. I found starting a bedtime routine from early on helped - eventually your baby will sleep longer stretches and you will have your evenings back with your partner. or at least a couple of hours! You can do this xx

Thank you so much for the hope❤️ my partner has been amazing, really reassuring and trying to help when he can. Ive just spent days crying about my old life and how I've made the biggest mistake, its so unfair feeling this way&I really cant wait for it to ease so I can be a good mum to my baby xx

I had my daughter on 4th January so im now just over 2 weeks PP and I had exactly the same feelings and I felt soooo guilty because my husband was so happy and I couldn't do anything but sit and cry and wonder what have I done 🥲 BUT those feelings have gone away, only just recently though so give it a few days, and I feel more like my own self. I also felt like I was grieving my old life and being pregnant, I had fertility treatment and loved experiencing pregnancy, and felt like it all ended so abruptly and then you're sore bleeding and so hormonal and everything is so different. I'm still getting the hang of it but the more my body adjusted to the lack of sleep, new routine and baby I felt so much better. My health visitor said it takes sometimes 6 weeks to settle down so don't worry, it's all so new, you'll be just fine ❤️ I still have waves of feeling awful but every day is easier, go easy on yourself x

My baby is 5 months and I'm only just starting to feel better about things. I love him dearly but have found motherhood extremely difficult. The lifestyle change is a complete 360 and my husband & I barely have time to be a couple anymore. But it's not forever and we just appreciate the time we do have together. Once baby is more alert and smiling it makes things a lot easier x

aww this gives me so much hope, congratulations and im glad youre feeling a whole lot better now😘 we went through fertility treatments and suffered one mc aswell and finally had him, so I thought id be jumping for joy but its the complete opposite. My husband has been my rock, honestly if it wasnt for him i'd be sat in a corner crying somewhere. I just want to be able to love my baby the way everyone else around me is doing, I cant wait for these feelings to be over. I just keep thinking my marriage will never be the same, my husband isnt just MINE anymore as bad as that sounds, its all so weird... Hopefully soon ill be feeling much better, again thanks for the reply its made me feel better❤️

thank you so much, i cant wait for him to be that that stage and cant wait to just feel better in myself❤️

Hi rose

I hope you are feeling ok now? I wanted to check in as I'm feeling right now where you were. The exact same and I'm terrified.

Are things better? X

Hi, I hope you're okay. Sorry for the late response currently dealing with a teething 5 month old🫠 but I wanted to reply so bad as I know what its like sitting in that situation clinging on to hope. I didnt believe anyone who said it would get better, but it did.. eventually. Mine took longer than some and I do get councelling for postnatal depression which is on the milder side. It was such a huge change to grasp and as bad as I wanted it nothing can ever prepare you for it. Saying that, after 3/4 months I started to feel so so much better in myself, he started to smile at me and just gave me so much happiness. Fast forward 5 months later, hes the cheekiest, happiest and annoyingest baby I've ever seen but he makes it all so worth while. Yes it was/still is hard the massive adjustment but me and my partner talk it through, he's been so supportive and now we're going on our first holiday as a family next month... All these things I didn't thing was possible months ago, but hes the missing peice to our family and yes I miss my sleep and freedom but I see now he is totally worth it. Dont fall for 'oh you fall in love instantly' for me it's gradual it took time for me to build this bond and remember thats okay. Please go easy on yourself and if you need me I'm here❤️

@Rose253

Hey rose,

Thanks for coming back, it's really lovely to hear you pushed through and that things are going well for you. Did you have good days and bad days at the start? I started to feel more positive yesterday but things have taken a turn for the worse today. I feel so guilty because my DH is so in love and I can't stop crying. Did you start counselling straight away? Or take any meds? I'm petrified when DH goes back to work that I'm not going to cope. Well I guess I'll have to but it fills me with anxiety and fear.

I just want to be happy like all the other mums seems to be.

Hi, hope you're okay.
Yes I had good and bad days, mostly bad and I thought it was never ever going to get better. My DH loved him more than me, if im being honest I was so jealous and just hated him. Then slowly over time it went away, them feelings just started going and it was a slow process. I spoke to the midwife around 11/12 weeks or maybe even abit after as the feelings were still lingering. I got councelling pretty soon after, I think it was a matter of weeks. I didnt need medication, I think after the 4 month mark it just started to lift massively. My DH had 2 weeks paternity and then had to take an extra week as I was terrified at him going back, I literally begged him to stay home and he knew it wasnt the right time so he took more time off. When he went back it was hard, but each day got better. I got into more of a routine and started taking better care of myself, again dont get me wrong it was very hard the hardest thing I've ever been through. However, I promise you this will get better, just please have hope and make time for yourself. Please speak to your HV if its still bad and they will help you, but now I'm so much happier and confident. I take him to the park and do our daily routine, I still have bad days but nowhere near as much as the good. Just remember there's light at the end of the tunnel, stay positive ❤️