Post natal depression triggers

[denishhol]

I am wonderong about peoples experiences of PND if they are at a place comfortable enough to say what they feel caused\contributed to their PND. I am not interested in the 'oh just homones' theory, but actual personal, human reasons. Not to negate the former, I just personally feel like 'hormones' 'chemical imbalances' is often just a write off that makes it easy for professionals, institutions perhaps to write off the reality as something you can fix with drugs. Because that's easy.

Trauma of any sort, not having support throughout pregnancy, during birth and once baby is here. Being isolated and loneliness. Feelings of guilt, shame or maybe if the Mum was raped it's hard to bond with baby.
I have studied pnd.
Hth

Now I have a second and I can look back at my first pregnancy. / birth...

• previous miscarriage
• traumatic birth
• sleep deprivation
• lockdown / Covid
• feeling that I was being judged
• other people's opinions
• the babies cry 😩
• relationship changes (both DH & friendships)
• loss of freedom

Hi I suffered severe PND with my first. A few contributing factors and sorry if these already been stated:

Traumatic horrific birth v v scary
Horrific recovery and not being able to recover/rest properly which made recovery slower
Back pain afterwards
Really needy and colicky baby
Breastfeeding struggles, being judged and being told to stop by ppl whom it did not affect
The constant judgement from others
Opinions and lack of compassion from others
Living with in laws at the time
Being controlled by ppl around me
Relationship changes with DH, seeing him in a different light and losing my libido
Thoughts and memories of my own childhood and comparisons
Thinking of how my mother coped
Sleep deprivation and Co sleeping
Lack of control of my life at the time
Feeling like I didn't recognise myself, lost a lot of hair and gained weight body changes
Suicidal thoughts
Feelings of guilt
Resentment towards DH

Trauma from the birth both how I was treated by medical staff and from injuries, the huge amount of change in my life, my body not being my own anymore and looking completely different, lack of support financially and emotionally, trying to be perfect instead of going easy on myself, forcing myself to breastfeed even though it was horrendous, isolation, none of my friend had babies and horrible judgemental and unsupportive health visitor.

I think I might've had it, maybe still do. For me, I had a traumatic birth, then 4 months in lockdown when baby was 3 weeks old with only my husband, then my husband basically was no almost no help and still isn't I feel like I don't even know him or even like him much anymore. I'm a SAHM so have found it quite isolating as I used to be very sociable and also had a great career. Then sleep deprivation on top of that (even though my baby sleeps, my sleep is all screwed up now).
I'm lucky my baby is easy, he's very happy and a great sleeper and eater.
I wouldn't even recognised myself now, I feel very anxious and overwhelmed. I am starting to pull myslef out of it now, but it's been very hard. Having a baby had been a real shock to me, for a mature, smart person I have been really naive and didn't realise what they day to day involved and how exhausting it is. It's not even the actual baby, but all the 'other' stuff. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't realise how much more cooking and cleaning is involved (which I hate, and I even have a cleaner!) which is what I spend 90% of my time on. I think if I had got my husband to help out more early on it would have made a huge difference, now with my baby being 18 months I feel almost completely burnt out.
Mentally it's the loss if freedom too for me, I feel that life as I knew it is over. I'm assuming things will get better at some point ... but I think it also scares me a little bit to realise that I'm responsible for someone else for at least the next 18 years.