how to deal with loneliness

[spacexdragon]

i've had my LO 4 months ago, and moved from Scotland to England due to partners work commitments. I don't know what to do with the crippling loneliness. he goes on work nights out (rightly so) and will ask if i can go too, despite not having anyone to look after LO so i just get jealous that i haven't socialised in 4 months and puts me in a downer that i'll be home alone, once again, with the baby (he travels a lot for work).
i go to baby groups but haven't really managed to connect with anyone. he doesn't like being handed the baby when he comes home from work, she's very needy and will only nap on me so i get absolutely zero time to have self care, i communicated this to him and was able to have a bath last night - only to have it obliterated by him coming in and asking how long i'll be as the baby was crying. i just wish i had someone to take the baby for half an hour even.
i lost my temper with LO tonight as she just will not stop crying no matter what i do, i don't feel good enough to be her mum and being left alone with my thoughts lately has made the walls feel like they're closing in.
just need advice how to deal with the loneliness and jealousy of not having the freedom to go out and spend some time for myself.

I’m sorry, it’s so hard sometimes. I’ve also struggled to make friends at baby groups- I used the peanut app which helped.

I know DH struggles, but he needs to step up and just do it; or, could you take baby back to your family and spend a few days there? You’ll have some familiarity, some help from family (hopefully) and maybe see some old friends. Would that be an option at all?

you’re not a bad mum- babies are so very hard and all consuming. Will you be going to work soon or are you planning on being a SAHP? If work, maybe a kit day or two might help? I promise it gets easier if you just hang on.

I have written this exact post. My baby is 8 months now and I have times where I still feel lonely.
What helped me first off was speaking with my gp and getting diagnosed with postnatal depression. like you I would randomly lose my cool, sometimes I just felt so sad I couldn’t pick myself up from it. Speaking to the gp helped and I regularly see him to discuss how I’m feeling.

Have you spoken to your dh about how you’re feeling? You need supported. He needs to be a dad and look after the baby so you can have a break. It’s nice he’s suggested going home to see some family and friends but realistically that won’t be a break as you will still be caring for your baby with the odd help from family for an hour or so. He needs to do more. His life is changing too and he is slowly learning that once he finishes work, he still has things to do and parental responsibilities. My dh took some time to understand this, the age old “I’ve worked all day” still comes up but he does bath time and starts the bedtime routine so I can at least catch up with myself.

I have been going to baby groups since my dd was 9 weeks old. I met some mums but none I could openlt
chat with until recently. At one class I spotted a group of mums who seemed very friendly and were talking about an evening meet up. I forced myself to put myself out there and started sitting next to them with my dd and just chatting away. I swapped numbers with one so she could keep me updated on any changes with the class. I now chat to these mums daily and I feel fortunate to have them. It makes a big difference when you feel you have others going through the same thing. Keep going to classes, keep saying hi to mums and suggest going for a drink with the babies after class one day.

A pp suggested the peanut app, I downloaded it and was nice tk chat to other mums in the area. I didn’t meet up with them but good to know there were just a message away.
Remember that you are not alone in feeling like this. Everyone needs a break. Mums can quickly become overstimulated with everything we have to do, the to do list feels never ending. I have put my baby in a safe place and left the room for a few mins whilst she was crying to take a few deep breaths. It helps me calm and helps me just unwind a little. You’re not a bad mum, not in the slightest and your little one will not remember it anyway.

if you ever want to message to chat feel free!

I feel the same and I even have a handful of mum friends ( baby clubs and peanut app) plucked up the courage as DH had to go back to work after a considerable amount of time off which I'm so lucky I know

So just want to say I'm here if you wanna chat

My partner really does help so much
But because he wants to not coz I ask

He does night feeds, despite his own work as he recognises that my days are exhausting!
He does 50/50 when he is here

We will always make sure one of us has a bath/shower which is a nice way to relax every day whilst the other is making dinner or settling baby x