PND or sleep deprivation

[Chumbibi]

Sitting here feeling like I just can’t go on. DS is 6 months old and I suffered badly with baby blues and felt totally overwhelmed having two children but things got better.

then the four month sleep regression hit, which merged into DS having a cough for nearly 8 weeks. I honestly can’t remember the last time I got longer than three hours sleep.

we did a bit of sleep training, and he can self settle at night but still wakes up constantly screaming for the boob. haven’t been able to re start as he hasn’t been well.

told my DH and family that I’m not coping, and nothing really changes. They just tell me to tell them what I need. I need sleep, but a couple of hours one afternoon isn’t going to help me.

rang the GP this morning. They said they couldn’t give me an appointment unless it was a dire emergency as they are just too fully booked. HV said to refer myself to time to talk, waiting list is Huge.

I go to bed at 8pm and baby wakes screaming at 9:30, spent an hour trying to settle him, nothing working. Heavy cold and new medication for him today for his cough. I just ran screaming downstairs and wanted to kill myself.

i love my children so much but I can’t even enjoy them or cope with it because I’m so so tired. Where do I go to get help? What do I do?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health webguide. You can also go to the website, or email them on [email protected]'ve also moved your thread over to our Postnatal Health topic, as you requested, and we hope you get some useful advice.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

With best wishes from everyone at MNHQ.

So sorry that you're suffering so much @Chumbibi

How are you this evening? Have you managed to see a GP yet?

Have you spoken to the Pandas Foundation? They may be able to help you.

If you are BFing, have you considered swapping to formula so that your DH can do some of the night feeds?

I get this to sometimes, I've noticed it's when I've not had enough sleep.
Once I do I feel normal again .. have you had some bloods done?
I've just had some done and was low in vitamin D and iron which can also relate to mood etc
How old is eldest son? Could you nap with baby through the day? Could eldest go to nursery a few times a week?

I'm also breastfeeding poorly baby, it's hard! Feel like crying sometimes, I feel bad because it's not baby but we are not robots! :)
Hope you feel better soon x

I spoke to the GP and she said I was sleep deprived rather than depressed and talked me through sleep training. baby only naps for 30 mins max in the day so no chance of getting much rest then either. He also won’t take any bottles.

im in such a dark place. Looking at getting a night nanny to get some respite, which we are fortunate enough to be able to do. I feel like it’s effecting my bond with my son and I feel like a terrible terrible mother.

there’s a whole thread about how sleep training is cruel on here too, and it makes me feel even worse. But I know it’s better than the alternative which is a suicidal mum.

sending you hugs. This was me with my first born two years ago. She slept really poorly until she was 7 months old and in her own room then it improved a bit.

Not getting enough sleep is so depressing. Being awake at night alone is so depressing. It’s normal to feel that. You sound really depleted. Im so sorry.

That’s exactly how I used to feel…a couple hours nap as a one off while someone watches baby isn’t going to help me in a meaningful way.

sleeplessness definitely made my pnd worse. But even once dd started sleeping through a bit my depression still lingered so it’s worth pursuing with gp I would say.

Definitly invest in a night nurse if that’s something you can afford. Do whatever you need to do to survive. This first couple years are so relentless aren’t they with illness and teeth and regressions etc.

Sleep training is a personal choice - don’t let the opinion of people on an internet forum make you feel bad. 🙏🏼

No sleep is brutal, of course you're at breaking point. TBH, at this point, sleep training, whilst it would solve the problem, would mean even less sleep short term (unless someone else can step in for you and you wear ear plugs?)

As some practical ideas - does he nap better on the move? DS1 was a short napper, but slept longer in the car or in the buggy, so I could give him to someone else (with a strong constitution, because he would wake up 15 mins from home and start screaming), and stretch that nap time for me.

DS2 on the other hand slept (and still does at 9 years) best next to me - he'd be up at 5am if alone, but sleep through until 7 in my bed - doesn't work if they want to feed though, then you're just a buffet next to them and you're still getting no sleep.

and left field - when I'm not getting enough sleep I use a Paul Mckenna hypnosis (doesn't matter which one, I'm using it for the rest, not other effects) - they last 25 minutes, put me straight out, and wake me up feeling more refreshed than 20 minutes should (it took a few tries for me to get to this point - it wasn't instant, but now the routine is familiar so I can settle straight down)

You do whatever you have to do and don't feel guilty about it! Sleep deprivation is absolutely brutal.
I felt similar to you recently as my baby went through a major sleep regression at 8.5 months and has picked up bug after bug the last six weeks... it feels relentless.
Get that night nurse, sleep train - anything that means you get some unbroken rest. That'll allow you to be the best mum you can be. Good luck xx

It doesn't matter if you think sleep training is fine or not. The thing about sleep training is you won't find sleep trainers who recommend doing it whilst the baby is poorly.

Would feeding him lying down help? I used to stir briefly as DC2 latched on then again when she came off and rolled away.

Thank you for your kind messages. I just feel so hopeless and I can feel myself withdrawing from my children. It’s horrible.

I feel like I can’t even get a start on sleep training as he’s constantly got a cough or cold. He has always hated feeding lying down, even as a newborn!

I am hoping the night nanny can help us a bit with sorting sleep too. My husband is at the end of his tether and needs to work. My parents don’t offer any support. Feel so hopeless and just want to be put out of my misery. Will try ringing pandas once they open at 11

Just wanted to send you a message of solidarity. I have felt low after having my second child and just feeling like everything is such hard work and they both mainly.

Some things my partner and I did just to help lighten the load:

1. my first was non sleeping and once every 8-10 days my partner would take over the whole night and I would go to spare room. We still do this with a 1 and 4 year old where we take turns to get a nights sleep while the other is on monitor watch.

2. when I was at home on mat leave with the 2 active boys (baby and 3 year old) my partner when he worked from home would share his lunch hour. So I would go and lie down for 30 mins to take a break.

The screaming thing I can relate to - never done it but have internally when the baby just starts crying again but all you want is a break.

Hope you got some support through Pandas x

@Chumbibi ok. You need sleep. You are not going to get this at home so ideally you need to check into an air bnb or a hotel. The main thing is that it is quiet and restful so an air bnb or a bed and breakfast might be better