Not sure where to turn

[Sostressed1234]

I’ve typed this message a number of times & deleted it at the fear of the comments. To date I’ve already received sone judgemental comments from my own family. I am writing this in the hope someone has been in my position & that life for them has got better.

ok here’s my story;

My husband & I took over 2 years contemplating whether to have a 2nd child or not. We decided we would so our first child had a sibling to grow up & share experiences with. We had a complicated miscarriage inbetween & decided to just try for x months after & if it didn’t happen life would be fine with the 3 of us.

After falling pregnant quickly, my initial joy turned into fear - how was my relationship with my first going to change & that I overwhelmed & couldn’t cope with 2. Lots of changes happened in life at that point as well.

I didn’t want to carry on with the pregnancy due to those reasons, my husband was hugely against it & kept saying I couldn’t say that & many people would love to have a baby. How I couldn’t just change my mind. Effectively making me feel like I didn’t have a voice. My midwife also wasn’t any help. I felt I couldnt do anything but carry on as it was hormones as people kept saying & things would be better when I had the baby.

Im now in the situatIon that I’m trying my hardest but hate being a stressed out Mum of 2. Deep down I knew I made the biggest mistake but everyone made me feel I couldnt say it & that just have anxiety.

Life is so hard right now & even when I’m honest with my own family I get your depressed you need to go to the doctors. But the reality is that having a second child has infact yes made me feel overwhelmed but what can I do now but just grin & bear it?

You do sound overwhelmed @Sostressed1234

How old is DC2? Have you bonded with them at all?

Hi @PritiPatelsMaker thank you for responding. Yes I have but if I’m honest not fully - part of it was from immense guilt from not giving DC1 my full attention. The other was DC1 has been quite difficult the past year and in my mind I start getting overwhelmed thinking we’ve got to go through it again with DC2 & how will I cope!

I think it's fairly normal to feel guilty about DC1 when you are having or have had another LO. However from what you've said, I think that you might need a bit of extra support. There's definitely no need to just put up with feeling how you feel.

Could you book in with the GP and ask for some Counselling?

How is your DH now? Is he supportive of your decision to continue with the PG?

Sorry for the delay…it’s been a busy week.

It was me that actually didn’t want to continue with the PG as I felt like I couldn’t cope & so many other factors in my life were changing too. I had some initial counselling & she was the first person who said I get it & understood where I was coming from. But by that point I was too far along.

I just feel knowone gets it - DH keeps saying our DC2 is here now & embrace it. But im mourning my life before which felt more carefree & who I was. Everyone just keeps saying I should go back to the doctors but for what to say I’ve made a mistake & shouldn’t have had DC2 due to being overwhelmed. I just feel like running away from it all tbh.