Is this likely PND?

[RG14]

My DS is 3 weeks and 3 days old. I don’t really feel much of a bond with him yet but I’m aware that can be normal.

I cry every day. My partner went back to work this week and it has made things 100 times worse for me. I miss him so much. I feel like I love him so much more than my baby.

I have real feelings of regret and guilt for having a baby. I feel like I have ruined our life together. I have been talking to my partner about my feelings because I know it’s not good to keep it all inside.

I had a bit of a traumatic birth experience, got kept on a ward while in Labour and told not to move because they didn’t have space for me on the Labour ward. Partner could only be with me during visiting hours and I cried constantly when he was gone.
Ended up with the emergency cord being pulled and had a forceps delivery.
baby wouldn’t latch and just screamed at the breast. I wasn’t allowed to leave hospital because feeding wasn’t established, so after 3 days of baby effectively starving I made the decision to formula feed so we could leave.

I don’t drive so I feel trapped at home with baby. I know there’s no way out of our situation. I have spent so much time looking for a way out over the last few weeks but of course there isn’t one.

I am scared to go to the GP because of the ordeal of trying to get an appointment and it is physically difficult for me to get there due to not driving and having a newborn in tow. I also don’t want to just be told to go for CBT because I don’t think it will work.

i just want to be able to feel love for my son and to smile at him and want to be near him. I dread him waking because I don’t know what to do.

please ease up on yourself. It is such a tough time and so many women experience these thoughts - myself included. I’m 6 weeks pp now and can honestly say it has only been in the last week that I’ve felt more myself and not been full of regret every single day. Having your first baby can be such an isolating experience anyway and especially so if you don’t drive, partner full time working etc. have you got a support network - family, friends that can visit or you can talk to? Have you had a health visitor come yet? I reached out to mine when I was worried about my mental health and she referred me to a local psychology support group. There should be some support numbers in your child’s book you were given at hospital that you can call. The main thing that has changed my outlook is thinking wow, my dd is 6 weeks already! The days feel long but the weeks are short. This hard time will pass. Your baby will soon sleep more, smile at you and you will get into more of a routine and strengthen your bond. Just take it day by day x

OP, I could have written your exact post when my DS was born. Right down to not loving him anywhere near as much as my partner and missing my partner so much. My son is 3 now and I have a little girl and I feel very, very different.

I was utterly, utterly shell shocked when my son arrived. I didn't have a clue what to do and pined awfully for my old life with my husband back. I was devastated. I also didn't have a clue what to do all day with a baby. Actually, I still wake up and feel like that now my kids are older.

For me it passed after a few months. I had a good support network. Can you get out to any baby groups (I hated these by the way). Or a coffee and chat with anyone? Where are you based roughly and perhaps someone will have some ideas.

Just want to say you're not alone. I've just had my 2nd and it's still hard even though I've done it before and I know what I'm doing!

It sure does get easier. Be kind to yourself, get out and about and time with your partner will return I promise

We've just started putting bubs to bed at 7 and we get out evenings back

I found the first 12 months the hardest but then gets progressively easier imo

X

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It is quite common but that doesn't make it normal.

Do you still have health visitor visits or can you call them and ask for one?

I had a terrible pregnancy, birth and very difficult baby and spent all my time in tears. They did the pnd questionnaire and told me I didn't have it because I was sleeping and eating (mainly biscuits!). I felt so dismissed, I hoped every visit that they'd decide I wasn't a fit mother and take my baby away!

What I actually had was ptsd, although I didn't find out for over a year. They didn't even consider it but its apparently quite common after a difficult pregnancy and birth so do ask about that if pnd is dismissed.

Try health visitor first, but if you can't get help from them you really need to get a go appointment, tell your DH to arrange one for you so you don't have to go through all the rigmarole. If you can afford it private counselling would probably be the fastest route. I'd inaf8be group counselling for new mums would be very helpful if you can find sone thing like that in your area. Again get your DH to do the research, he must be worried sick about you xx

I am a therapist in an IAPT service. They work with depression and anxiety. I would say you have PND which is very common. IAPT services should prioritise perinatal clients. Some run perinatal support groups online and face to face as well as one to one therapy. They should offer you a prompt assessment. They can also signpost you to other relevant support services. Goggle IAPT and then the county you live to find your service. You can self refer.