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Postnatal health

Working full time mums- how do you do it?

9 replies

Bx96 · 17/10/2022 21:20

Slowly losing myself and not sure how to get me back.
I’ve gone from full time job and part time bar work (evenings) to being a full time working mum. I feel like I’m doing absolutely everything, from the minute we wake up - nursery drop off, work, nursery pick ups, dinners, bath bottle bed, housework. It’s just never bloody ending.
I feel mentally drained, I’ve lost the me I was before becoming a mum and now I’m struggling to find that new me. I’m miserable all the time, feel like I have no one to turn to (family isn’t around at the best of times let alone the worst)
Partner doesn’t really like talking, we’ve grown apart since having baby and to be honest I'm not much of sharer because I don’t want to be a burden and dislike confrontation.
I'm not sure what I can do for myself to help me get out of this rut, i’m tired of putting on a mask and making out everything is ok.
anyone else feel like this post baby?

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Canihaveacoffeepleasexx · 17/10/2022 22:28

It’s always exhausting. It’s hard because if you don’t work, you don’t have enough £, and if you do work you don’t have enough time. I work and have 2 children. My other half is a real super dad and does really help out since my hours have changed, but I am up at 6am and in bed at about 11pm. I’m always tired. But knowing we have the ££ to treat the kids on the weekend really helps.

it hasn’t always been this way. I had to really fight through the times where my relationship struggled. Make sure you make time for you in what ever way that looks like whether it’s going to the gym, having a long hot bath, reading a book…. Whatever makes you feel good. You can’t give time and love to other people if you don’t have it for yourself.

if you want your relationship to work then put the effort in. Make time when you’re tired or just don’t feel like it. Communicate with each other. If you need help ask for it or ask your other half what they need.

lastly coffee. Lots of coffee.

but you got this xx

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FlashFash · 17/10/2022 22:32

Your partner/child's dad needs to pull their weight you don't do 100% needs to be 5050
I worked full time when my only dc was about to turn 2 did 3 days before that
I did nursery pick ups
Dh did drop off
Dh didn't pull his weight at home- he was used to me doing it all
Sounds daft but I made a list of jobs and divided them up mine and his
If either of us didn't do the job then they didn't get done
Alternated food shop weeks and cooking

After some time we adopted into the new habit
Now dc is 7 and we each pull our weight
I work ft and so does dh and we each have time for ourselves but you need to be clear how your feeling and it needs to be a partnership

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Brieeeeeeeee · 17/10/2022 22:43

It’s rubbish.

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snowballer · 17/10/2022 22:45

What's your partner's role in the domestic side? From your post it seems like you're doing everything?

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Bx96 · 18/10/2022 12:14

We don’t really have roles inside the house, I just do it without even realising but when I have asked I just end up doing it myself because it’s easier/quicker for me to do it :(

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Bx96 · 18/10/2022 12:15

I’d love for him to nursery drop off and pick ups but with our timings of work hours it makes sense for me to do these.

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NCFT0922 · 18/10/2022 12:17

I sympathise OP but unfortunately have no advise. Ensure things are as fair as possible with the housework side of things. My sister is sadly in the same position and utterly miserable. I can’t think of anything worse.

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anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 18/10/2022 12:20

Unfortunately parenthood (motherhood especially) is relentless. I fell into the trap of doing things round the house as it was just quicker and easier and it led to a lot of resentment. I'm a full time working mum of 3 including baby twins.

Communication is key and try not to get into competitive tiredness one upmanship with your partner

These early months/years are just about surviving with your mental health and marriage intact. (Sadly my marriage hasn't survived it)

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SlovenlyUnwedMother · 18/10/2022 12:26

I posted something similar not long ago. It's so hard and I wish I had some decent advice but I haven't figured out "the balance" yet either since going back to work five months ago.

It's essential that your partner pulls his weight though. The only thing that makes it remotely bearable is the fact that we split the parenting and household stuff 50/50 and have figured out a system that works for us. For example I was really struggling with rushing to do the nursery drop-offs/pick-ups so DP changed his shifts so he does all of them now. I know not everyone will have this flexibility but you need to speak to your partner and figure out how you can balance things better.

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