Don’t remember much about my emergency c section

[BlueBunny23]

I had an emergency c section last week, I remember being in labour all going well it was around 6pm contractions were close together all was good, I remember the heart rate had dipped from 160 to 100 and tbey called in the drs and senior midwife. I remember the male dr checked my cervix and said the cord was coming before the baby and we had to go into theatre for an emergency c section or else we would end up with a sever brain damaged baby or a stillborn. I don’t remember much after this expect being perved on by a man dressed in red in the theatre who kept trying to look at my breast.
I remember them telling me my baby was here they tried to show her to me but they didn’t lift her high enough and i didn’t see her, iv looked back at my photos that my partner took, he said they gave me the baby within 2 minuets of being born, however on my photos it was 18 minuets from her time of birth until the midwife put her on my chest for skin to skin. I don’t know what was happening in that time and I feel so confused about it all it’s got me not feeling good at all. When we talk about the birth my partner will say something and I’ll have a flash back. It’s almost like I went on a huge drunken night out and I don’t remember most of the night until someone says something then I remember that part and there are parts I don’t remember at all.
do they give you a medicine during a c section to make you forget it all? After checking my photos I was in theatre 3 hours. I had a sever postpartum haemorrhage and had to be opened back up after my c section and it didn’t seem too long to me but looking back at my photos tells me the times things happened and I’m so confused about it all and I don’t understand why so I do think I will ask for a birth reflection meeting as they offered me one to talk about it all. But I think my partner is fed up of me asking about things as he just wants to move forward as baby is here safely but for me I can’t get over it all and I don’t know why. So please for anyone that had an emergency c section which was traumatic, is what I’m feeling normal?

So sorry you went through this. I had an emergency c section and to be honest it was scary and I can’t remember much but I was so relieved baby was ok (swallowed meconium and was in distress) so I just forget about the actual c section.

but I think you can ask for a review of what happened (I’m not in the uK)

Alright for him to move forward isn’t it, he didn’t have teh CS!

sounds like a good idea to talk it through and understand what happened with your health team. I had one and remember everything that happened, even my twit of a husband arriving after baby was born and fixing me a thumbs up. No, not thumbs up, not a happy time at all. I wonder if you had different meds as it was such an emergency that made you groggy and out of it

I don’t remember much about mine or the lead up to it. It had been a very long labour, I was in agony and exhausted and just wanted it to end.
I was awake for the first bit and held the baby for a few minutes then they took him off me because I had the shakes. I fell asleep after that as I wasn’t in pain anymore and I was exhausted. Woke up in recovery to a fully dressed baby and dp holding him.
I got flash backs for months afterwards but it did get better I still don’t know the actual timeline of what happened, it doesn’t matter anymore. I have had dc2, she was a VBAC very straightforward and I got a few flashbacks from that as well but I remember everything from that birth.

I had an emergency as baby had cord wrapped round his neck. No idea what happened.I was woken up by two men/porters who told me my baby had been born. They then pushed my bed into another room where my baby was being held by my husband. I have no idea how long I was out of it for. I also have flashbacks regarding the two porters at the end of my bed. I hope nothing was on show.

@Iliveonahill I remember them making my partner leave telling him I’d follow in a couple of mins he said it was almost 40mins but they took down the sheet as they had finished and I remember the two male surgeons massaging my low stomach and watching how much blood was coming out of my vagina onto the pads underneath me. I had no underwear on at all. I wish I didn’t remember this part as it’s gave me awful flash backs but I guess I’d just had a sever haemorrhage and they must have been ensuring it was definitely over, but it still gives me an uncomfortable feeling

Oh OP. Im sorry this happened. No, you're not alone in feeling like this.

Of course you want to know what happened, it was meant to be a wonderful, joyful moment that you'd probably been anticipating since you found out you were pregnant, and instead it sounds like it was scary and traumatic.
Mine wasn't the same but similar - I felt like I'd been robbed of that moment of meeting my baby.

I would definitely ask to have a debrief, and maybe even ask if you could get access to counseling if you're feeling the need to talk & you're not being supported.

FWIW My second planned (peaceful, predictable) section definitely went a long way to heal the trauma from the first experience.

Just to be very clear - what you are describing is a traumatic birth, and it is called that for precisely the reason that it was traumatic. It is only natural to feel uncomfortable and in many respects violated, given the lack of control you had over the situation - even if all of the decisions and actions were legitimately in your best interest. It will take time to process what happened and it is perfectly natural to be uncomforable, curious and upset about how things went. It is completely possible to get PTSD from these sorts of experiences.

Not to undermine the impact on you at all, but my wife had two traumatic births - the first being touch and go as to whether both would survive, and the second being a suspected .assive haemorage (which thankfully it wasnt). I had dreams and flashbacks about both for a long time after the event. I only say this because the behaviour you have described sounds very similar to what I did in the moment, which was to repress my feelings about it, decline to discuss what happened and try to focus on the positive side of some very conflicted feelings.

Again to reiterate, I am not saying his experience is more important than yours at all - but you may find that his reluctance to discuss it, is because it was traumatic for him to watch the events you describe unfold.

Id honestly suggest you speak to a care worker about potential support for both of you, while you process everything that happened.

I hope that perspective is useful, and wish you all the best with your recovery.

Yeah, I had an emergency section with my first and it is all a bit of a blur. I don't think any of the medication affects it unless you had a general anasthetic of course. Also Pethadine can make you woozy and forgetful. I think it is just the whole experience it kind of takes over and your body gets confused as it is getting all ramped up to push a baby out and then it has a huge trauma elsewhere to deal with. Also if you had a big loss of blood you could have fainted and drifted in and out a bit.

Having said that my other two births are spotty memories too. My Mum always said it was to help you recover quickly and also not remember the pain otherwise no woman in her right mind would have another one! She could have been right there.

For me the pain before the emergency section was so extreme and so constant (not gaps between contractions, just one long endless contraction). I think I was probably so relieved when the epidural kicked in that my mind switched off to recover.

So I would say your experience does not sound unusual.

Glad they got your baby out safely and managed to stop your bleed so you are both able to be here to enjoy each other.

I completely understand how upsetting this was, I do think it's important to remember it was an emergency situation and things will have to have happened quickly to protect you and the baby.

If you google the Birth Trauma Association, they'll be able to give you some advice. I think the first thing to do is to ask for a review with the midwifery service, who will go through your notes and explain exactly what happened when. The 'losing time' thing is quite common in traumatic situations, especially when there are drugs involved.

These feelings take a while to process. It's also possible your DP is traumatised too, I know mine was.