Need advice as losing my mind

[jorowe86]

Me and my partner have welcomed a baby back in April after going through ivf. So she was very much planned. My partner is disabled and in a wheelchair however has completely disconnected with his child. He literally does nothing for her. He blames it on me breastfeeding however he could still cuddle her and change her bottom, assist at bath time and getting her dressed. I do everything. I am exhausted and I do have two other children both older but both with additional needs.
am I wrong to feel angry?
we even sleep in separate rooms. He lays in every day and some mornings not got up until 11 yet I’ve been up most the night with the baby. I’m now struggling and losing a lot of weight too through stress of it all. I don’t get a break whatsoever. I understand there are things he will not be able to do but I feel we are just living together whilst I bring up our child by myself. Please what do you think, I would love to hear opinions as I feel like I’m losing my mind.

What are his reasons for lying in bed for so long?

Blaming BFing is an easy way out. Like you say, he could still just hold the baby whilst they nap and you get a shower.

Are the other 2 DC his?

I know that men can suffer from PND, but this just seems super unfair on you. Have you spoke to him at all or raised your concerns? It’s so easy as a mother to just accept a complete lack of support and get on with it but you didn’t create this baby on your own! People underestimate how difficult raising a child is. Just because you’re doing it, doesn’t mean it’s easy or that you’re not struggling every second of that day. You can literally be up and about being Mom of the year and still feel like you’re at your wits end. It’s worrying to me that he can watch you slowly waste away and do nothing. His disability must play a part, but that can’t be an excuse for not really bonding with this child. I don’t think it’s something that can be ignored. A serious conversation, perhaps? Its odd that you’ve been through the process of IVF and have obviously planned it , but he now seems to not really want a child? Maybe he’s feeling some kind of regret? You definitely need to bring this up because from how you’ve described it, you are completely burnt out.
Best of luck to you hun xx

No the other two children are from a previous relationship so that is fine hun to leave me to look after them but I am doing everything in the house. He doesn’t help with the household chores. I cook dinner and will wash up after else he will leave everything in the sink.
Now when he goes near the baby she will just cry and he will say oh she’s a mummies girl.

I have had conversations with him 3 times now about this and told him I’m struggling and he just says well nap when the baby does, I’ve explained that I have the other kids to look after and what about the housework and he will reply you can do that later. Yes I could but when a baby needs you you can still be doing the housework.
I really am burnt out. Yesterday for example I was trying to get the baby asleep in the pram by rocking it he just sat and watched tv.
mum just tired and feel weak now and moaning I suppose.