Feeling isolated

[Hiddenvoice]

Not sure if I’ve posted this in the right place- long time lurker- first time poster.

My baby is 16 weeks and I’m feeling incredibly lonely. I’ve got a very supportive dh and loving parents who’d be here everyday if I asked but I feel like I’ve got no friends.

I’ve joined 3 different baby groups, chat away to new parents and enjoy myself but can’t seem to make any friends stick. I have never had a big group of friends and always tended to get along with guys more than girls. As we’ve grown up we’ve grown apart so now I’m feeling lonely.

I have tried to become friends with the guys partners and wives, we text and I suggest times to meet up but every time they cancel. I feel like i’m annoying them by texting first and trying to keep the conversation going.

I was always fine with being independent and doing things on my own but since becoming a mum I’ve just found it really difficult. I love my baby but she’s clingy and I'm exhausted. My
dh works 12 hour days so I often just see my parents for an hour or so and then it’s just me and dd again. I miss and crave adult time, not going out etc but meeting up with other mum friends and just chatting about life.

I guess I’m just ranting here but have any other new parents found it isolating? I feel like I’m an emotional mess.

(sorry it’s so long, thanks for taking the time to read)

I don't really have the answer for you OP, but I didn't want to read and run.

You sound lovely and I don't think anything prepares you for your first child and everything (social life included!) that comes with it.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's you, I've noticed a general post-pandemic change in that many people can't be arsed with plans to meet up any more. I've often felt like I'm the first person to text to arrange a catch-up or whatever, although I do now have some great friends and this isn't always the case.

It's as if people have already formed friendship groups - they know what they like and like what they know, and the idea of branching out a bit can be a bit worrying or unfamiliar I suppose.

What I will say is that over time, I found that I attended more clubs/events/classes and by the time my children were in school I'd made lots of new friends. So maybe time is key?

I feel for you though. Sending a hug your way! You are not alone.

Thank you for responding!
Guess it’s my hormones that are making me feel like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m a tag along.

I think you’re right about people having formed friendship groups and not wanting to branch out. I have friends at work but we’re not the type of friends that would meet up other than at work events, even when I’ve tried to arrange it.

Hoping you’re right about timing!

I completely understand where youre coming from. Ive pretty much just written a thread on the same topic. Its extremely lonely. I have a 2 year old son and am expecting a little girl in October and ive never felt so lonely as i have recently. Its really hit home.

It took me a while after having my first to find my people.

I'd go to as many groups as you can. Don't look on it as finding friends, just go and have a couple of hours out of the house. You might just find a Mum along the way.

Have you had a look at the Mush App as well?