Feeling so guilty

[Misfitmum1]

Hi, My baby is 2 weeks old today and I’m struggling so much with guilt and low mood. I have two other children aged 11 and 6 so it’s not my first time… but I’m 37 now, I worked almost until the end of the pregnancy and was exhausted before. My fiancé has been having baby for an hour or two in the day so I can sleep (I do all night feeds etc).. Is this normal? Also baby feeds every 2 hours so it’s exhausting.. again, is this normal? Thank you in advance x

Hi - I'm sure lots of feeding ,every 2 hours for example ,is normal so while exhausting please try not to worry about that .

What are you feeling guilty about? Is it because you don't feel happy or in love with your baby? I'm sure that's not uncommon and I expect others will suggest that it might be a sign of post natal depression .Which is possible ,maybe contact with your GP tomorrow ?
But it could be that you're completely shattered .

I'm not much help but I just wanted to hold your hand until everyone comes back from lunch and their Sunday stuff and there are more helpful posters available .

In the meantime rest as much as you can and try and get lots of liquid and some sustaining snacks down you .Could your 11 year old help a bit with drinks ?

sending hugs

All normal , but it gets better ! I'm 10 weeks in and having more ups then downs , and 4hr stretches

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m feeling guilty that my fiancé is doing so much of the house hold stuff and that I’m not able to give my kids as much attention as usual x

I only have one baby who is now 9 months old but my partner did all the cooking and housework literally until DS was 6 months old. I felt guilty the first few weeks, but then I realised- this mean I can completely focus to giving our son all of my attention and be there whenever he needs me, without having to constantly put him down crying because there's nothing for dinner. It's a temporary sacrifice for the man, I know it may be hard if he's also working full time- but it's so temporary. If you accept
Him doing this and realise it's all for the benefit of your little baby, the guilt should get less. Baby needs you right now more than anything and that's the truth. I personally found it all exhausting even with no housework to do, and it only got easier at about 5/6 months for me, BUT it got massively easier. Although I personally insisted to breastfeed, no bottles or dummies, so of course I made it harder for myself in terms of being with him almost 24/7. But it was all worth it. It will get easier but the main thing about the guilt- try to remember it's all for baby's healthy development during the first crucial weeks/ months of getting to know the world. Baby needs you way more than the dishes or laundry do.

Tell your other two children what's going on and that you feel bad that you can't give them so much attention .Reassure them that you still love them just as much ,ask them to help ? Make them feel involved a bit -fetching things ,watching the baby for 5 mins ,help with baby bath ,nappies ?
Try and rest .

Thank you, that’s made me feel so much better… all I see on social media is these super mums that’s have cleaned the house before 7am and made home cooked meals for everyone.. im not knocking those that manage that kinda stuff… but it’s making me feel like I’m failing. It’s harder for me to accept held because I was previously in an abusive relationship with my older childrens dad.. anything he did to ‘help’ came at a cost. My fiancé now is fantastic, it’s just easy to slip back into the old mindset xx

Your body has been through a lot and your hormones will be all over the place so you need to be kind to yourself OP.

I bet you a million pounds if you were to do a poll on here to see how many mums with 3 children ,one of which is a newborn are cleaning their houses and cooking meals you wouldn't find more than one or two .If that .
RiceRiceBaby's post was spot on .

Take care and

Like Peridito said, hormones! They definitely mess with our heads the first few weeks, too. It's hard to think rationally and clearly and everything is based around emotions. Things will get better a little at a time, day by day. ❤️