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Feeling like 'just a mum'

2 replies

HippieSpice · 23/07/2022 22:51

Hello. I am looking for advice to help my friend. She is currently very stressed and recently expressed to me she felt like she wasn't herself, had lost her identity, and was "just a mum". I need to explain a few things about her situation and mine. She is young, under 25. She comes from background where she's had to learn a lot of stuff fast, the hard way, to grow up quickly. She has two pre-school age kids. Her partner does provide financially, but in all other ways he is a giant man-baby. She is effectively a single mum. I am childless (not by choice). So yes, I can see that she is stressed, and what those stresses are. But I obviously don't know what it feels like from experiencing it myself (and I am never going to). We did both live in the same area, but I now live elsewhere in the country. We are both non drivers, so don't get to physically see each other much. I really want some advice on anything I can do to help and support her, particularly in regards to making her feel like name again and not 'just a mum'. Dear mums of mumsnet, please shower me with your wisdom? Thanks in advance. Xxx

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
shewhomustbeEbayed · 23/07/2022 23:30

Hi, I don’t know if it will be helpful but when I gave up work to have my dd I lost all confidence and didn’t feel I had anything to talk about when I met my friends as my life was all childcare.
I was 41 with a good career, I don’t think it’s necessarily related to the age or circumstances.
There is another thread on MN at present about whether it is better to have dc at 20 or 40, many are choosing 20, once your friend’s dc are at school she will be able to perhaps get a job.
Do you think your friend is depressed ? Is there anything she enjoys ? Can you encourage her to take some time for herself ? Perhaps she can do some study or think about what she might like to do in the future.
You sound like a lovely caring friend, I’m sure she appreciates that.

HippieSpice · 23/07/2022 23:57

Thank you for your help. May I ask what dd and dc mean? Sorry, I am new to this and don't know the lingo. Xx

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