Sex after a tear?

[stnly]

Hi everyone

Currently 3.5 weeks post partum so not considering sex yet, but for those of you who have torn how long did it take you to have sex again and do you have any tips?

I had a second degree tear and can't shake the probably irrational feeling that sex will cause it to reopen, or that area won't stretch to allow for sex etc?

FTM so I've nothing to base it on 😂

Not before your six week check OP and the Dr will examine you then and advise. My year didn’t heal properly (grade 3) so it was actually months, but that’s not normal. Can I also recommend water based lube (like Yes) to start off with as less friction is better!

I had a cs first time and an episiotomy second time and was wasn’t great after either until I had really cut down the bf around the 18 month mark. Once I was there interested in sex again the scar wasn’t a problem.

Definitely not planning to before the 6 week check!

I was curious more so if people where feeling up to it after 6 weeks, or if they've found it took longer before they could?

I had a 3rd degree with DD and was happily having sex by 5 weeks. Before 6 week check up but they didn't actually examine me then so it wouldn't have made much difference. Felt all normal.

Had another 3rd degree with DS but we didn't have sex for a long time. Tear healed absolutely fine its just DS was in hospital a lot and we were exhausted.

I had episiotomy and they wouldn't have checked me at 6 week check if I hadn't asked. I had concerns about prolapse which is the reason I wanted checked, rather than the stitches.
I remember feeling healed by 6 weeks but I think we tentatively tried at 7 weeks but it was sore so we waited a couple more weeks and used loads of lube, went very gently etc. So I'd say we succeeded at about 9/10 weeks and I never had any probls after that. It is a bit of a psychological thing but once you get over that it's fine.

I had a bad tear.
Husband wanted intimacy after 4 weeks.
It was agony. ?(He later became my ex!)
Continued to be painful for over 12 months.
Go slowly.

I had a well-healed second degree tear and we had sex just before the six-week check because I felt fine and wanted to try so that I could discuss any issues with the GP at the appointment.

No issues. It wasn’t very sexy though - it’s a very practical/ mechanical encounter. Take it slow.

3 weeks after an episiotomy with DD1, similar with tear after DD2.
I would advise that, when you do restart your sex life,

1. Regard the first time as a purely “test run”, and be prepared to abandon it immediately if it’s too uncomfortable.
2. Position yourself on top of DH, and tell him to lie still so that you are controlling the speed and depth of penetration yourself.
3. Ensure that you are fully in the mood, supplemented with plenty of lubricant if necessary.
4. Start extremely slowly and carefully. Good luck!