Nightmares of suffocating my baby

[Matilda128]

I have a problem and I'm hoping to see if anyone has the same or has a solution. My baby is now 4.5 weeks and I love her to bits. I'm breastfeeding and at night I wake up 3 times to feed her. She sleeps in a co-sleeping cot next to me and I'm really tuned in to the sounds she's making. I usually wake up just before she does (I hear her become active and make feeding noises) and it is really nice she doesn't have to cry to get my attention. But after the first 3 hours of sleep and feeding, I seem to go into a really light sleep and wake every 15 minutes thinking I have fallen asleep during breastfeeding and suffocated her. Or she has moved to the side of her cot and is no longer breathing. It appears so real and I'm so distressed until I realise that it was 'just' a dream. I've had this now for more than a week and it makes me more tired than I already am. I'm normally an anxious person and my baby has come after many years of TTC, rounds of Ivf and multiple losses. Outside this nighttime routine I'm doing well and apply all the techniques I've learned in my many years of therapy. However I've never been able to deal with my terrible dreams and nightmares and I'm not sure what to do. Has anyone experienced something similar or has any advice? Thanks xxx

I had similar dreams and I looked it up on Google and it's actually a fairly common dream for postpartum women to experience. I'll try and remember what it's called.

This is not for everyone, but really helped me when I was struggling with anxiety about SIDS.
My baby wears an Owlet Smart Sock at night. It is a wireless pulse oximeter that monitors her oxygen levels and heart rate and alarms if they go out with preset limits. Some parents find this kind of monitoring can increase anxiety, but for me it saved me from being unable to sleep due to terror of waking up to find my baby dead. As long as the Owlet is not alarming I know my baby is ok without having to constantly check she is breathing, and I sleep soundly when she does.
They are expensive (£300+ if I remember correctly) but you can get preowned ones on Facebook marketplace for much less.

I had dreams like these too OP even though I never co-slept with my baby. I’d wake up thinking the baby was in the bed with me. My husband had the same dreams too.
It’s really early days and you’re sleep deprived and obviously it’s on your mind because there’s (rightly) so much advice given about safe sleeping.

I don’t have any advice other than to say it’s quite normal and for me they went away after a while, I hope they do for you too.

One thing that helped me a little was listening to very boring audiobooks while I went to sleep to distract my mind.

I had this, OP. It did pass, but it was awful while it lasted. I can still remember the terror now, and they are adults!

Here are some articles and a study I found about the sort of dreams I had which sound similar to yours. I found it reassuring to know it wasn't just me.

www.glamour.com/story/postpartum-nightmares

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1978400/

medium.com/fearless-she-wrote/lets-talk-about-postpartum-hallucinations-and-sleep-deprivation-3074b168534

I found that as I started to sleep a bit better and my post birth hormones calmed down the dreams stopped. Bedsharing so baby was right next to me also helped me.

I had similar dreams and woke in a panic thinking the baby had fallen out of bed when he was actually asleep in the Next to Me crib... I think it's a mixture of hormones and sleep deprivation.

Although distressing as others have said they’re completely normal. If you feel you can’t cope with them I’d definitely speak to a GP or HV. With my first the post partum nightmares lasted 3 months then with my second it was 4 weeks.

These are such great replies- thank you everyone! I'm dreading another night of broken sleep with terrible dreams but at least I know I'm not loosing my mind and this will pass. I really feel reassured. Thanks again!