SIL with PPD- How can I help?

[RPTTC]

Hi, hope this is the right place for this thread.

TL;DR I think my SIL has post partum depression and I want to help but I'm not sure how.

She gave birth approx 9 months ago and my fiancé and I try to go round to her house to see her roughly every month.
We try to make it very clear that we're there to see HER, not just the baby, and we do our best to not expect her to "host" while we're there (we make her drinks, offer to help with things, make sure she has a chance to sit and rest).

We were visiting a few days ago and she made a couple of off-hand comments that made me a bit concerned for her. I'm not a professional and I also don't currently have any children of my own, however I do have a history with depression and am aware of some of the "warning signs".

Some things she mentioned was spending a lot of time just "waiting" for her partner to come home from work, she has decided not to go back to her job but doesn't know what else to do (she used to be quite career driven) and feels guilty for spending a lot of time watching TV while baby keeps herself entertained (in the same room, baby is safe).

She and my fiancé (her brother) aren't super close, so by default we aren't either. Their family also is notorious for not talking about their feelings or struggles, so I don't expect her to open up to me about anything. That being said, I do want to support in any possible way I can, and I do ideally want to strengthen our relationship and get closer.

Any ideas on how I can help?
I want to take her out for coffee/ lunch/ shopping etc but not sure if that's not the best idea given that it would mean baby would be out the house for a while?

I don't really get it so not sure I've misunderstood.

You think she may have PPD because of this, 'Some things she mentioned was spending a lot of time just "waiting" for her partner to come home from work, she has decided not to go back to her job but doesn't know what else to do (she used to be quite career driven) and feels guilty for spending a lot of time watching TV while baby keeps herself entertained (in the same room, baby is safe).'

What about that screams PPD? I feel like I'm missing the point. I have a 10 month old and I will literally start counting down the hours to when DDs dad will get home so he can relieve me. Often when you're at home with the baby you're so exhausted so you can't wait until someone comes round to help.

Both myself and two of my friends have had babies and have decided not to go straight back to work. That's also common. I don't see what about that screams PPD? Of course she could get out of the house more instead of watching TV but that's easier said than done especially because of how bad the weather always is.

I've commented because I had PPD and nothing that you've mentioned seems to have anything to do with that (in my mind anyway), maybe someone else will understand your point better and come along with some helpful advice. However to me she just sounds like a mum, not one with PPD

@babywalker56 Thanks for replying! For clarity, those aren't what I think PPD is, they're just examples of some things she has mentioned in conversation that, in my opinion, could be affecting her mental well-being. I'm obviously paraphrasing so understand that out of context, some of those things could have come across as being a bit judgemental. Also 100% not saying she should want to go back to work (When fiancé and I have children I am not planning to return to work), it was just because in person the way she phrased it seemed quite down and defeated. Should have clarified those points in the original post.

Like I said, not a professional so am not saying she 100% definitely does have PPD, but either way would like to be more supportive for her. When you had PPD, is there anything that family and friends did (or that you wished they did) that helped?

Ah yeah I definitely didn't think you were trying to say 'this is what PPD is and this is how I know she has it' but I did think I was missing the point somewhere. I totally get what you mean about the things mentioned seeming to affect her mental health.

Sometimes life just isn't what you think it is when you've had a baby and for some people it turns their whole life upside down. Again, I don't think it sounds like she has PPD but of course you'd know her better than I do. I do think it may be a bit difficult to support her if you're not really close with her. It's difficult to be vulnerable even with your closest friends & family let alone family members that you're not super super close with!

I'd just say continue doing what you're doing. Check in with her as often as you can. When visiting carry on talking about her as a person and not just her as a mum (I personally found that helped a lot). As the weather gets better maybe ask if you and DP can take baby out for a walk to give her a breather? Or maybe you guys can all go out for a walk so it encourages her to go out and get fresh air? I think it's harder to help when they haven't been diagnosed with PPD so it's harder to be open with them. Sorry I couldn't be more help! You can maybe repost in Parenting to get more responses