Finding it relentless - 1 week in

[bethabean]

Hi
I had my beautiful baby girl a week ago and I love her more than I ever knew I could love someone, but I am finding the whole ordeal relentless. My partner is also struggling and it's so hard to keep afloat.
Unfortunately he didn't get paternity leave as he had recently changed jobs and only got a week off. He spent a couple of those days with me in hospital as I was induced.
My daughter cries a lot. Obviously normal for a newborn, but it makes me break down in tears myself. I am happy, but I'm so tired. I can't do anything and feel like I can't leave her alone. I also feel like a terrible mum because I'm not coping. I just am breaking down which is so sad because I want to be loving every moment with her.
Not sure what I'm looking for by posting this, maybe just to express how I'm feeling.
We are getting help but I feel so guilty when she gets looked after by my mum and I'm scared that she won't know that I'm her mum.
I also get really anxious about her health. I'm terrified of something happening to her in her sleep.
This is just gruelling and I'm only a week in

Oh lovely. It’s such a hard adjustment and doing it without the help of a partner will be a thousand times tricker. Remember your hormones are going to be all over the place right now, that’s not to minimise what you’re going through but that feeling of not coping and being an awful mum is going to be hugely exacerbated by the pesky things causing havoc. Your DD isn’t going to forget you’re her mum, you’ve been her home her whole existence so far and anything you can do to get some help (it’s fantastic your mum is able to take her for a bit) that makes you feel more rested will help you give her everything she needs.

It’s perfectly normal to find this bit really really hard, especially the first time when it’s a giant life adjustment, but honestly you’re doing just fine DD is just grizzly because she was too comfy in you and now it’s brighter and louder out here and that takes getting used to too!

If you feel you need some support then please speak to your HV/midwives if you’ve not been discharged from the service yet, and please accept every offer of help you get (and don’t be afraid to ask for it!) - it gets so much easier, be kind to yourself x

These are very, very normal feelings. But not feelings you should cope with alone. I can't remember if you see a midwife or health visitor at this point. If you have an appointment soon, tell them everything. If you don't then call and speak to someone. What you are going through could be general baby blues / hormonal / sleep deprivation / upheaval of having a baby or it could be post natal depression. Either way, very common, very normal, but you need support. You are doing this off the back of an induced birth (which can be grueling) with your partner back at work and you have a crier. No new mum in the world would find these circumstances easy. You are a hero, you are doing amazingly, but do not struggle on. You need to talk this through with a professional asap.

it is so relentless and so awful sometimes. You need a break to sleep. The anxiety about their health does lessen, I promise.

First of all - give yourself a break. Take the help where you can. Your baby will definitely know you're her mum, she's been hearing your voice for months and she will know your smell.

It's v v v v normal to feel like this. It DOES pass.

Hi op. Just checking in to see how you are doing?

@bethabean I'm hoping youre feeling a little better now?

Days 5 to 10 are the worst, milk comes in and with that a whole load of anxiety and low mood. I cried for 5 days with all my babies at that time.

I know a lot of people say dont do anything, don;t clean, dont get dressed, stay on the sofa etc. But for me that made me even worse. I had a shower (with my baby on the floor next to the shower in his basket), washed my hair, (the noise of a hairdryer often makes a baby sleep) put my make up on and clean clothes and carried my baby (in a basket or sling) around and cleaned the house. It made me feel very much more in control and that was what i needed as i was feeing so totally out of control. It might be what you need? But we are all different, so it could be you just need to slob out and relax a bit more.

Also, some wise midwife once told me, "no baby ever died of crying", which was a great thing to think about when you need to get something done and she's crying. As long as she is safe in a basket or whatever, it will not harm her at all to let her cry while you have a shower / unload the dishwasher or whatever.

Where i am in the midlands right now, the sun is out. Its cold but the sky is blue. Is it like that where you are? Could you put your baby in her pram and go for a quick walk? To the shop or post office or just around the block. Not far as walking can make you bleed really heavily sometimes.

Things will and do get better. Next week you will feel differently i promise. And the health anxiety thing goes away too xxx

Baby blues is the worst feeling and adjusting to disturbed sleep. Go easy on yourself. Use all the help you can and remember a crying baby is the only way they can communicate so it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. You will get through this. Hope you are feeling better soon

This was me 9 weeks ago.
First time mum and an emotional wreck.
I was exhausted and unwell from birth complications and had a new baby to care for and I had no idea what i was doing.
I felt as though she was attached to me 24/7 and feeding non-stop, and this was before the cluster feeding started.

It is exhausting.
It is a whole new type of lifestyle where you feel absolutely trapped. Youre feeding, changing and caring for a new human non stop. You worry non stop. You watch them non stop.
I didnt sleep for 2 weeks as I was so scared she would stop breathing or choke in her sleep.
I hit breaking point one day where i couldnt settle her over night and i was so exhausted and scared of being a bad mum that i cried all day and couldnt even look at her.

It passes.
Baby blues IS a thing and it happens within the first few weeks. Your life changes and your hormones are in overdrive.
Take the help offered.
Get some rest where you can.
The housework can wait.
The more you look after yourself, the more you will enjoy your baby.
Its tough but things do calm down and you will feel better soon.