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I'm a mess

6 replies

babysfirstchristmas · 25/12/2021 19:33

I am not sure why I am posting or what I am hoping to get from this but here it goes.

I am 9 weeks post partum and I just feel so crap. I’ve put on so much weight over pregnancy and even since giving birth as have been breast feeding and am just so hungry all the time. I had hoped to lose weight but it just hasn’t happened. Some of our family took pics of me, my fiancé and our daughter in front of the tree today and I looked terrible, even when I had made the effort. It sounds absolutely pathetic but it’s ruined my day. And then I feel like a bad mum cause I think why can’t I just suck it up and try to enjoy Xmas for my daughter.

My partner bought me a coat for Xmas, it’s quite a daring style, I pretty much started crying when I tried it on as I looked so terrible. Then I felt guilty for being such an ungrateful person and if I think I am being a bad mother, I think I am being a bad fiancé/wife x10. I am so emotional, moody, and difficult. I can’t imagine how miserable I am to be around. My partner is not the most emotional of people and is very strong, he says everything’s ok and says he knows it’s cause of lack of sleep and hormones. But I don’t know if I believe him.

After 9 weeks everything is getting on top of me now. I do all the nights as breast feeding, she does take a bottle from me or her Dad. He’s doing a bit more over the Xmas break but normally he works from very early to very late as has his own business which is very demanding, sometimes in London, sometimes from home but on calls back to back all day. He pays all the bills including mortgage, car, food, and sorts out everything in terms of admin, plus cooks the evening meal most days / roast on Sunday. He’s made it clear that looking after the baby is my job during the week, and he’ll do as much as he can when he can. But it’s so hard. I do get a bit of help from a local lady a couple of times a week for a couple of hours when he’s in London, but often it might be me holding the baby for 12 hours straight. She doesn’t sleep during the day apart from on me. She’ll go down the cot for a couple of hours and the rest of the time she’ll be sharing the bed with me doing cuddle curl, which really hurts my back.

I’m physically broken, I have quite bad piles, a bad knee, just recovering from a month long chest infection that would not shift, have a rash over my back, and feel like I have another virus coming on now. And am really fat and have terrible stretch marks. Mentally I think I am just not fun to be with, and am quite sad from losing a good friend of mine to suicide recently. I have quite a lot of trauma around my own family and lots of stuff with a new baby is a bit triggering. This Christmas we have my fiancées family to stay, and it’s just quite full on, they wanted to go out for a Xmas walk today (in the rain) and I wasn’t feeling it cause baby was hungry, I felt ill, had no sleep and it’s hard enough leaving the house, it’s only worth it for something good. Anyway I managed to drag myself out with them but prob ruined it by being grumpy.

I really wanted baby’s first Xmas to be good but I think I’ve ruined it.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Dozer · 25/12/2021 19:37

Oh, I well remember this. It’s very early days!

‘He’s made it clear that looking after the baby is my job during the week, and he’ll do as much as he can when he can’. That’s not OK. He became a parent too.

It’s important that he shares the night parenting. Your health and recovery from birth, and your safety and being OK to care for your baby, are at least as important as his paid work.

Suggest focusing on rest first, and put yourself first.

Saffy123456 · 25/12/2021 19:37

You sound worn out and run down OP, it's so hard in those first few weeks when you think you will never sleep through the night again and bits of your body are still a bit alien, have you asked for support from the perinatal team? or in my area and I don't know if its the same for all areas Mind do a support group for new mums and that includes 1-1 counselling if needed, might be worth checking out.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 25/12/2021 19:40

The baby will have no idea how the day went so take that off your conscience immediately! 🙂

You sound absolutely exhausted and I don't blame you. It's so easy for men to say I pay all the bills etc, your job is mother, but in reality a baby is SOO much tougher than most jobs.

Maybe on the Sunday he's around you start having a few hours to yourself? He can stay in and sort the roast and juggle baby for a few hours, he'll see how hard it is non-stop.

Please don't beat yourself up. I can't believe you've also had family to host despite feeling like this - you're a bloody trooper!!!! Give yourself some credit and tell him you need some space away from your baby. Nothing to be ashamed of. Keep smiling, you're doing great x

PanicBuyingSprouts · 26/12/2021 13:18

Please be kind to yourself @babysfirstchristmas. You've been through PG, labour and birth only very recently and now have a baby to look after as well. It really will take a while for you to start feeling like your old self again.

I can't believe you're hosting either! I hope your guests are doing lots to help and are going soon.

Don't feel guilty about saying that the baby needs feeding abs disappearing upstairs with a cuppa for an hour.

Also agree that your DP needs to be more active and give you a break. If your guests are going today, maybe he can have LO for the night whilst you catch up on some sleep?

babysfirstchristmas · 26/12/2021 13:31

Thank you all so much, your responses have really helped me.

I am going to stay in bed today and try to sleep as much as I can. I'm ill and exhausted and don't want to talk to anyone. DH's fam are here until tomorrow so there's lots of people who can hold her. I am sure it's a bit rude but I just need some alone time actually alone or just baby and me.

Hope everyone is having a good Boxing Day! X

OP posts:
PanicBuyingSprouts · 26/12/2021 15:22

Glad you're staying in bed. Hopefully your guests will see some sense abs tidy up and help to look after LO Thanks

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