PND?

[ohsotiredd]

I feel awful even writing this. All I've ever wanted my entire life was to be a mum, my little one is two weeks old tomorrow and I've never felt as sad. I'm sick of crying, feeling tearful. I don't have this overwhelming feeling of love and bond everyone talks about. So long as I know my baby is ok that's all I need, I had my hair done and the hairdresser said I bet you miss him and to be honest I didn't. I knew he was fine with my mum so I was ok? My OH is back to work, can come and go as he pleases and I've been to the shops twice since baby was born and it's been so much effort it's not worth it. I just feel sad, I don't know why I feel like this I thought I'd love being a mum but so far I just feel trapped. LO is suffering from reflux and I don't know if that's contributing to it but deep down I don't think how I feel is normal. I can't be bothered with Christmas or people calling to see baby, I just want to sleep. I never thought I'd feel like this and don't know if it's something that will pass or something I need to speak to someone about. I feel awful I was so excited throughout my pregnancy to meet my baby and now he's here I just feel crap

Bless you. I could have written every word of your post when I had my first baby 14 years ago. The reality of motherhood hit me like a sledgehammer. He was born just a few weeks before Christmas and I remember feeling utterly desperate at how awful the whole season felt compared to what I had imagined. Honestly they were dark days (quite literally - I don't think the time of year helps). I may have had PND, I'm not sure, but I was certainly very very low and exhausted.

Many years, two more children, and lots of magical Christmasses later, those awful awful days are a distant memory. Hang in there, and don't beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse for not enjoying it in the way you thought you would. Babies are crap in my opinion - but there is much joy ahead of you, I promise.

And yes, the feeling of being utterly trapped is absolutely crushing at first. But it eases off, it really does.

Sorry, I should have added though - absolutely do speak to your health visitor or GP about the possibility of PND and get all the support you need. I just wanted to reassure you that, PND or not, those early baby days are not representative of what parenthood is going to be like, so don't worry if you don't enjoy it. Many, many mothers don't.