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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Feeds/Help

7 replies

HollieD31 · 20/12/2021 14:53

I my DD is a 12 days old and today is the first day my partner has gone back to work.To say the least I am struggling.I am trying to beeastfeed but she cluster feeds all the time and is in my arms every 20 min.I barely slept last night and haven't been able to do anything today .As I am writing this I am having my first drink of the day and bawling my eyes out.
We both wanted her so badly, however now I don't know why.I am having trouble bonding with her as I am so tired and all I keep thinking of is my old life .Haven't had a shower since Friday and my hair hasn't been combed or washed in a while.
DD is breastfed so always wants me near as she feeds all the time.My partner is a star however he doesn't know I feel like this.I feel like a failure as I didn't think motherhood would be like this.
Please tell me it gets better and advise if there is anything I can do to make this easier?

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PanicBuyingSprouts · 20/12/2021 21:57

Oh love, yes it does get better but you really need to tell your DP how you feel.

Can you get him to take the baby out for a walk or a drive so that you can have a shower and put some fresh PJs on?

Don't worry about getting anything done either.

Ask him to make you a sandwich and a flask of tea in the morning and spend the day in bed with her.

PanicBuyingSprouts · 21/12/2021 06:46

How are you this morning @HollieD31?

Original poster

HollieD31 · 21/12/2021 11:19

Hi.Thank you for the advise.The evening and the night wasn't much better.I have decided perhaps sleeping in the spare room (co sleeping) might help a little.Currently it is not possible as wouldn't be safe. Sadly my partner has a job where he needs to be able to concentrate and him having quality sleep is important. So perhaps removing the stress of DD waking up and me having to get her to be quiet fast would help.
Counting days till this will get easier...

OP posts:

neverenoughchelseaboots · 21/12/2021 11:46

I think that's a good suggestion OP. If you're trying to get the baby down 'quickly' it's not really in your control and you end up getting frustrated.

I have a 4 week old and am in the spare room for a bit and view night feeds as special time for the two of us. Lots of cuddles and a couple of biscuits to make it seem like of a chore and it's a completely different mindset to how I did it with DC1.

Twizbe · 21/12/2021 12:01

Cluster feeding is hard. Don't be too hard on yourself and it does pass.

Things your partner can do to help.

When he gets up for work, he fills a large bottle of water for you and puts it next to the sofa with a clean glass

He puts some cereal in a bowl ready for you and some sandwiches in the fridge for lunch.

If you can(and she's asleep) wake up before her to have a shower or when DP returns from work he holds her and you have a shower. She will be ok, even if crying a bit. She's safe and you can shower. I also used to shower with mine in bouncers in the bathroom. They cried, but I could see them and they were safe and I was clean.

It's one of those things where you have to prioritise you being clean as it helps both mental and physical health.

You need to eat and drink as well.

When baby does sleep during the day you sleep too.

Housework etc becomes you DP job for now and as you feel better you can take more on.

Twizbe · 21/12/2021 12:02

Oh and it's very normal for newborns to have witching hours in the evening where they cluster feed and scream. Both mine did it. Started at 7pm went on to 9pm every night.

Eating before it started and a good box set helped

Garman · 21/12/2021 12:06

You need to prioritise you and her for sleep now, not him, he's a big boy he can look after himself. Move to the spare room if you want or tell him to, so that you can all get the most sleep possible. It's great that you're cosleeping, once done safely and properly it's the best way for everyone to get sleep rather than trying not to do it and falling asleep holding the baby.

Have you any friends or family who can help out? Definitely get a sling, my 12 week old has been asleep in mine for 2 hours while I get stuff done for Christmas, ate biscuits and lunch, drank hot tea 😁

When your partner gets home or baby is asleep out of your arms for just a few mins grab your showers then. Once she's fed your partner can take over for at least half an hour in the evening while you enjoy a nice hot shower and wash your hair.

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