I had my DS coming up to 5 months ago and felt quite excited and nervous about being a first time mum which I felt was quite normal. I was loving every second but still had a few anxieties. He started teething around 4 months old and became absolutely hysterical with it every single day which seems to have calmed down now but lasted about 3-4 weeks. It really took its toll on me and I'm left feeling completely different. I don't feel as close to him as I did before and anxious about absolutely everything. I don't want anyone to hold him or care for him especially my in laws. I feel like they are dirty and their house is filthy. My MIL also seems to have an obsession about holding her finger in his mouth when she holds him even after my OH and I tell her every time to not do it she still does it and I'm terrified she will drop him as she is disabled. It makes me feel awful for feeling this way but I can't help it. I know they love him and would never hurt him but my mind races when I'm around them and I can't relax. I often find myself really fighting back tears because I'm feeling so on edge.
When I'm alone with my son I feel like I can't hold him and that I'm distant from him but then there will be the odd occasion I feel close to him again but no way near as close as before. I'm breastfeeding as well which I thought would keep our bond strong. My heart used to melt when I looked at him and I would feel pure joy but I haven't felt like that for a few weeks. I feel confused because I do feel love for him and I'm so protective over him, I just don't feel happy and content like I did before. I've also started having quite disturbing and upsetting thoughts which haunt me every day.
I'm open with my family and partner about my feelings to a certain extent. I perhaps haven't been as honest about the intensity of my anxiety as I don't want to offend them.
I've reached out to my GP about this and requested for my health visitor to call me but I haven't heard anything. My GP suggested I self refer to a mental health service which I have done but again I haven't heard anything.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips on how I can deal with it and did you come out of the other end ok? I'm worried I feel like this forever.
Thank you in advance