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Postnatal health

I hate being a parent

5 replies

Joanne2015 · 11/10/2021 14:05

My twins are 6 now and youngest is 5. I’ve struggled with the journey of becoming a mum and put it down to many different things that I’ve been told are the cause of the way I feel. Multiple mum, 3 kids all in one year.. no time to do anything for me, their behaviour bla bla bla.. but the truth is I genuinely just don’t like being a parent. If I’m being really honest id be happy with just my youngest. I get very little out being a parent, it’s definitely taking much more out of me that it’s giving back. My kids speak to me like I’m a joke, I may as well not speak as they never ever listen to me.. they are out of control, I hate spending time alone with them all together, I avoid taking them out as they act like clowns and it’s embarrassing. I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a mum. I’m snappy, horrible and barely even like them, as every min of the day is filled with drama, fighting, disobedience and cheek. They are nasty and call people fat, ugly pigs etc, they certainly don’t get it from home. They hurt other kids all the time, so much so the kids in the estate don’t want to play with them as my twin always hurts then it causes fights. I honestly hate every day as it’s like Groundhog Day.. full of disrespect, aggression ( them) and drama. I literally hate being a mum every day. The only good thing about the day is when I drop them at school. I’m not depressed.. although have been told this previously was the cause of how I feel, I know myself and my mental health and I know it’s not depression that causes me to feel this way.. if I could go back 6 years I wouldn’t chose this again. It’s awful to admit this but I feel I can’t be alone in not enjoying the journey of parenthood! We are socially conditioned to believe that every woman needs kids to fulfil her life, I feel having them has stripped me of all the joy I had. We are bad mums to say I regret having kids.

OP posts:
DriftingBlue · 11/10/2021 14:13

I would recommend seeking out a therapist for the kids with the stated purpose of dealing with the aggression and lashing out. They may identify an underlying issue, but the counselor might also just help provide a parenting reset for you household.

Mrsfenchurch · 11/10/2021 14:23

This sounds hard. And whilst I don’t want to be harsh, I think you need to focus on improving your relationship with them and on stepping up your role in your children’s behaviour. It sounds like you have given up and they are still so young. if you can’t control them now, it is only going to get harder. Have you tried any parenting g courses. Must councils offer them free.

Also do they know how you feel about them? Most children are very intuitive and I imagine they will be feeling very insecure with you feeling this way about them and very aware of your “dislike” of them - which is very likely be making their behaviour worse. Imagine having a badly behaved aggressive dog - there would be very little enjoyment & a lot of regret - at no fault of the dogma. But with some training and time an owner could develop a wonderful relationship with their pet. Being a parent is obviously much much harder, but you have got to put the time in. It’s too late to back out now.

TopCatsTopHat · 11/10/2021 14:26

Does not sound like fun. You're allowed to regret your choice but while it's (very) understandable it isn't going to change anything and make next year or the year after any better. They didn't ask to be born either and you're in it together. Kids behaviour doesn't just happen there will be reasons why they are behaving badly. It's probably a combination of things.
Sounds desperate for you right now, but also children know if they aren't a source of joy, so somehow you need to turn this around unless you want to just keep living like this (which I'm sure you don't).
Support is what you need. Real life support, family if they're any help but sounds like you might need an objective 3rd party. Sometimes when you've been barely coping for a long time (and your kids ages are hardcore) you stop seeing the cause and effect and lose hope that you can influence change.
You can influence change though, this can get better.
I had a friend who wasn't coping and could see her dc were unhappy she did a parenting course for free which really helped her make positive improvement (dad wasn't on the scene). I can't remember which charity sorry, but someone might come along who can recommend.
Nice children don't just happen it takes positive input. You sound like you've been on your knees a long time and might need a helping hand to climb out of this.

SecretGardenn · 11/10/2021 14:45

That doesn't sound like fun, I wouldn't enjoy that either.
Your children have behavioural issues, I would work on addressing them and trying to connect with them to improve your bond. It sounds like the behavioural issues are understandably causing a strain. I'd be embarrassed out with them too.
Maybe look on amazon and see if there's some books about respecting others, or someone else might be able to recommend some specific ones! Are the twins aware the reason thr others don't want to play with them? If not point it out and give suggestions on how to play nicely.

SecretGardenn · 11/10/2021 14:48

What are the consequences of their behaviour? Time out alone (by back door, on bottom step, nowhere with toys to play with like in their room) for however minutes they are old. Then enforce apologising to you or whichever child they've hurt or called names. If they refuse, back to time out for another 6 minutes. Once they have apologised, move on from it entirely.

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