I was always a s10 and comfortable with my body. I had 2 children in my 20s and that left me with stretch marks on my stomach which i accepted from having kids.
I am now 40 yrs old my kids are away at uni and ive been completely single for 10 years, I've had no relationship or one night stand, or fling nothing !
10 yrs ago i became seriously ill and spent time in ICU. I had a lot of medication and treatments, in all over 6 months recovering. In that time my appearance changed dramatically due to the medication and illness. I went from a s10 to s16, my entire body ballooned, my 36b breasts that i was happy with grew to a G. My face ballooned, it was awful. Nurses told me when i got better things would change.
I did get better and i started to lose weight and went back to a s12 but my boobs had grown so big they were not attractive breasts, my areola grew massively and when i lost weight my boobs shrunk to a c cup, without a bra my boobs hang down and my nipples are south right at the end of my boobs. They dont resemble breasts they look like flaps of skin. I only wear full fitting old lady bras, i do not wear low cut or v neck tops. I can not wear balconet or push up bra because my breasts sag they move around too much. I cover up.
I had a few thread veins on my thighs but during and after my illness my legs were covered in varicose and thread veins, thigh to ankle. The veins are also round my ankles and even short walks or shopping trips the veins in my feet bulge. In summer i can't wear pretty sandles, i cant wear cute heels with jeans the veins bulge. i wear trainers with socks or shoes that cover my entire feet and i only wear long trousers so no risk of the trouser leg riding up. The veins are also in the back of my hands, they bulge. It's embarrassing.
A Dr told me i must have had underlying vascular trouble and my illness spurred it on.
I am 40 i look like an old womans body, these are only issues i can fix with cosmetic treatment and i can not afford these. I do not feel like a woman any more, i can't be pretty or sexy. i don't wear dresses or skirts, no heeled shoes.im covered up all the time. All my outfits as fashionable as i try to be are for the purpose if covering up.
To make it worse i had a small group of friends, we would do lunches, nights out and had great fun before i was ill. After i got better i got fed up of when we all went out they was all dressed in little dresses and outfits and i was in trousers and tops that covered up. They then got in the habit of going for spa days & swimming which i refused for the obvious reason. Then one of them had a bbq, i was really looking forward to it and arrived late from work, i was wearing a long cream body suit and felt good for once. When i arrived they had all stripped off to bikinis and shorts and vests because unbeknown to me my friend had put up a blow up pool. She offered to lend me a costume or shorts, i politely declined. One of the women said "you always wear trousers, just relax and get ya kit off". My friends were also encouraging me, lovingly i must add. I said i didn't feel well, left and cried all the way home. Since then ive stopped going to any social gatherings. I feel so out of place with them now.
I work all the time and come home spending almost all my spare time alone. I want a partner, i want a sex life and a social life.
I went to a GP who was a young GP wearing a summer dress and i broke down what was wrong she tried to write me a prescription for antidepressants and laughed it wasn't that bad. I stood my ground about my symptoms and how it makes me feel. She sent me to a vascular surgeon at hospital, he said hes never seen such veins on a young woman. I was mortified but begged him for help he told me the NHS wont help unless i get DV thrombosis or leg ulcers. I'm 40 yrs old god sake. I never smoked, religiously went yo the gym, ate the right foods. It's not fair.
Ive thought about working as a sex worker, anything to raise money for surgery.
With my boobs saggy, my stretch marks and legs who would want that. I fantasies about wearing a skirt in summer. Even showing off my ankles orflashing cleavage. I see women jn their 60s smoking, obese with decent bodies. Not fair.
I dont know what to fo