Struggling with motherhood

[Lgw20]

I have a beautiful rainbow baby who is 18 weeks.

He is amazing and I love him so much. We've had our struggles as he has reflux and is quite sassy and cries a lot!

I'm just really struggling to enjoy motherhood. I find every day boring doing the same things over and over.

Because he's so unsettled I don't like doing baby classes. He hates the pram and won't just sit happily in there unless sleep so I feel trapped at home. I have a sling which he's better in but can't use for long due to c section.

I get jealous of my partner going to work!

I am the first out of my friends to have a baby so feel I've lost touch with a lot of them and have lost my independence. My partner tells me to just make plans but I try to explain the things I used to do before Alfie I have to include him now. Whereas my partner does a lot of socialising in evenings and weekends so things haven't changed a lot for him.

I have a bit of anxiety and I like to be in control - really struggling to come to terms with the fact I cannot control much with a kid haha!

I just miss my old life. I love him and would never regret him im just struggling to adjusting to become a mum and that this is my new norm.

I've made a few new mum friends but they're babies are so much more settled than Alfie so I just feel nervous going out.

I keep just wanting him to be older so we can bond more and do more and hopefully he will then settle down but also I wish I could just enjoy the now!

Any advice? X

All your feelings are totally normal, at least for some of us. I felt exactly the same as you describe (mine is 14 now).
It's like grieving for your old life.
First I would speak to your gp about your feelings, I had PND and took medication for a short while which really helped.
Also you need to try and go out more. Yes it's a hassle and hard work but getting out and talking to people can really help and if he's unsettled, well he's unsettled. It's not going to harm him and he may get better as he gets more used to it.

Please please remember that all of this shall pass. It seems like an eternity at the moment but it won't always be like this. Hold onto that thought.
I hope you feel better soon and you are definitely not the only one who has struggled this way. Even though your baby is planned and wanted and very much loved being a mum is HARD.

@Lgw20 I can empathise so much with you right now. My LG is nearly 4mnths & I’m so exhausted with feeling this way.
LG is EBF & won’t sleep unless she’s stuck to me like a limpit. She doesn’t take a bottle or a dummy either so I’m literally holding her 24:7. Even having to co-sleep to get more than 45mins at a time.
My partners life hasn’t changed at all, which makes me resentful & I feel so alone as all our family members work FT so there’s no-one to hold the baby for half an hour so I can do basic things like shower or walk the poor dog!
The guilt, sadness & anger are so unrelenting. But, I love LG so so much & like you do not regret her at all. I hope often think I won’t have any more though as my partner doesn’t help so it’s too much on my own (I’ve asked him for help 1000x now so I think he just doesn’t care about how I feel).
I’m going to see the GP next week & I definitely think you should do the same. Even if it’s not PND you might feel better talking it through.
You’re a rockstar by the way, don’t ever think otherwise. This mum stuff is blooody hard. Here if you ever want a chat!

There's no shame in wishing them older if you ask me as some stages are just grim.

I felt like this with my first 10 years ago and although I despised my job, I went back to work early. I loved being with people but hated the job so retrained to a new career when she was a year old.

This time I was hoping to feel differently but at 6 days PP the same feelings are starting to creep in already but will give it a bit more time before making any rush decisions about work. My husband still has another 2 weeks off but I'm already dreading the lonely days!

I deeply regretted having DC for first few weeks? Months? Definitely had some PND and felt like I’d never get my life back. It got a lot better by 9 months and then had a period of feeling like I wouldn’t do it again, but have felt for a while now that I WOULD but still very much on the fence about a 2nd. My point is you likely will feel better but I would strongly advise getting help. See a counselor at the very least. My DH is a decent person (I struggle to say he’s extra good because I think all non birthing partners should behave this way!) but he was totally on board with me prioritizing time to myself, does more than 50% of childcare, is fine with me going on weekends away with friends/dinner out etc. we obviously talk before either of us make plans but I never feel like I’m the default parent. If you can get to this point with your partner, you really do get your life back.

I feel exactly the same OP.
My baby is 9 weeks old- doesn't like pram, will only sleep if in baby carrier, now starting to sleep even less at night (if that was possible) and not long periods when she is settled. I also worry about taking her out and about. She screams so loudly (usually as overtired). People say 'oh it sounds loudest to the parents' until they hear her- and then quickly agree! I know I should go out too, but easier said than done. Holding on to what others have said about it getting easier. Don't think im cut out for being a Mum- thought I'd manage much better than I am doing. Agree maybe it is something about relinquishing control, exposing your vulnerability etc. Whatever it is, it's hard!! So no advice but solidarity!! X

I felt the same!!! Hang in there. Mine is 26 months now and it's still super hard, but different kind if hard. She sleeps better, she goes to nursery. I can go out and have a drink. We can take her on a trip as she loves buses and trains. It does get better. People kept telling me it gets better but I found it hard to believe it. I'm still traumatised by those early stages. It was relentless. There won't be a number 2 🤣

Oh and I'm still doing therapy ;)

You don't have to love every stage. If course you're not loving this one, you have a gassy screamy baby who is hard to take out of the house. And you miss your old life.

Motherhood is a long game, you'll weather this and have many joys ahead. Babies look cute in pictures but they're so dependent and life-disrupting that it's impossible to have one without the teensiest bit of resentment.

Listen to radio, podcasts, audio books etc now to feel like you're in contact with the world, then as soon as you can, get out of the house and meet some other mums.

Also, babies are people and some people are harder work than others. If you find it harder than other mums, it might be that their baby is just easier.

In hindsight you realise the laid-back or particular/determined children showed their personalities as babies.