Sore sex after pregnancy

[Kptaylor]

Looking for advice i suppose. My daughter is 16 months old with a still birth the year before. My daughter was delivered at 33 weeks via cesarean.

During both pregnancies I struggled with pelvic pain issues and sciatica and struggled to move or walk.

After losing my first child I admit I couldn't bring myself to have sex it was too traumatic but thankfully we had our daughter via IVF and she is here with us safely.

Ever since she was born, we haven't had sex more than 5-10 times. Almost feeling like you dont use it you lose it situation. I think I am put off because it is painful and it didn't used to be. Im not sure if I'm tensing and still have trauma or could it be result of the pelvic issues during pregnancy etc? I'd understand if it was vaginally birth but not cesarean 😔

Anyone else have this issue?

Are you breastfeeding? I think ultimately you need to brave seeing your GP. I recall being weirdly sore after a CS but only for a couple of months. I had a smear test at 3 months and apparently my cervix was inflamed (I was advised to "keep an eye on it" ) but eventually that went away and all was good.

No. I expressed for her for 10 weeks before my supply stopped and we switched to formula.
Absolute nightmare getting appointments never mind during covid times it is not like I am.desperste but I feel bad that I'm almost shirking away for fear of it hurting. I did Google some months ago and saw that it wasn't uncommon but would expect some improvement by now. I think I am due a smear test soon (they usually hurt too) so hopefully all is good
Thanks for your reply.

I think you need to talk to your GP and get a referral. It's not normal OP. Don't let anyone tell you it's normal.

I have had to have surgery after my last 2 births because I had issues with the scar. My MUM told me it's normal for sex to sometimes be painful as if!!! It felt like my skin was ripping.

Don't allow weird comments. Sex should feel like it has always felt

You should make an appt with your GP and explain to them, they will likely want to do an internal examination and you may ultimately needed a referral to a gynaecologist and treatment. There's loads of different things that could be causing this. Don't put up with it. Sex is a normal, important part of most couples lives and medical professionals ime fully understand that and take sexual dysfunction seriously. The only issue atm is there are likely to be long waiting times to see a specialist and start any treatment.

Thanks for all of the advice. I will make an app with gp and ask for my smear in the first instance then go from there x

Sex can be uncomfortable and different in the first year after a birth, and breastfeeding often "dries you up" hormonally. 16 months is probably a bit longer than you'd expect to see that though.

Do you use lube? Does your partner take his time and pay attention to your satisfaction and comfort? If yes, then as PP said it may be time to talk to a GP in case there are any lingering issues that need addressed.

Sex hurt me a LOT for a looong time after childbirth (interestingly smear tests really hurt me too - do you have a tilted uterus?).

My son’s birth was vaginal, and I think some pain is obviously to be expected after that, but there was no physical reason why it hurt me so much after so long. I went to the dr about several times and tbh, I think it was psychological. Childbirth was traumatic and horrible, and my dr was quite a brisk and, at times, unpleasant man who performed procedures on me without explanation or consent. That trauma, plus the changes in our relationship, plus exhaustion, plus the many, many demands being placed on the body of a new mum, I think all just compounded and manifested as this anxiety about sex. It didn’t help that my lack of libido made me feel like an abject failure as a wife (which is ridiculous of course).

It sounds like you’ve had also been through trauma, so maybe it’s similar?

I don’t want sound like I’m fobbing you off with my amateur cod psychology! It may well be entirely physical, which of course you need to explore properly. I’m just sharing my experience and how it affected me in case it’s of use to you too.

Fwiw I’m much better now, although I have had various physical issues downstairs as well (bacterial vaginosis, which also hurts! And some varicose veins - so gross ). My dr’s advice was to have some wine and try to relax, which sounds like awful advice but it did help a bit to have someone tell me that I was physically ok and wouldn’t be hurting myself further. It worked, anyway - eventually!

Best of luck OP. You are far from alone in this xx