Struggling with identity

[lovesun43]

Hi. Does anyone else have days when you are just at your absolute wits end and just want a bit of your old life back? I have an 8 mo who I love to bits, he's the loveliest little thing but LORD I just need a bit of me back. Sometimes I just sit and think about my life before - reading, walking, visiting galleries, eating out etc and I just cry at how different things are. I haven't even had time to shovel a sandwich in my mouth today. I feel constantly so tired it's like i'm about to get the flu. I get really annoyed when I watch my OH go off to work each day - I earned more money than him beforehand and love my job but have had to drop to 3 days a week for childcare reasons. I just feel like I feed, clean poop, wipe up sick, calm my child etc on a constant loop. I just feel like I watch him get promoted at work and get bonuses etc and I've had to take a step back. I love my little one but it's so soul destroying something thinking I'm just a 'mum' - anyone else?

Completely understand you’re in middle of a huge transition and being mum makes you public property. People feel suddenly they can comment on your appearance, your baby, your choices with impunity Things that used to be easy and spontaneous are now a big faff. Getting out the door is like going on an expedition so much stuff to take, hoofing the prom, packing a bag.
Can I ask why do you have to drop days at work if you don’t want to? What was the rationale?

Do try get time for yourself go for a haircut
Meet some friends without the baby
Go out for a saunter about

It’s gets easier, but if you’re worried about your mood or well-being see the GP

@EspressoDoubleShot thank you! So true. I am such a private person too - an older mum so have lived life, travelled, worked in big cities etc so it's so weird that people have so much to say about how we bring our babies up. Mainly people who have done nothing else apart from bring babies up. I don't suddenly start lecturing people about my degree subject or job or the best way to see the world etc - but just because you're a mum you get free reign to judge others! So weird.

I had the option of 3 days and took it - to be honest I want to be with my baby which kind of annoys me too - the inconvenience of being so in love with someone yet so tired and having an identity crisis ! 😂😂

I have been keeping an eye on my mood and I think I'm just exhausted and need a little break - thanks for the reply!

I’m 49 and I had my first son when I was 21, almost 22. I went through a horrendous identity crisis. I didn’t fit well into younger groups of mum’s (teens) nor could I relate to older mums. I decided when he started school to finish my degree and then started working. I only worked part time before he started school. Going back to university and doing something for myself helped me regain my identity and it saved me. I’ve always been self employed and found it a happy medium being around my kids but working as well. Sounds to me you’re unhappy and you need to consider making a change. Can you afford a nanny so you could go back to work full time?

Would your husband consider dropping his hours and you going back full time it doing four days a week each?

Nope

My response was to the I love my little one but it's so soul destroying something thinking I'm just a 'mum' - anyone else?

Don't get me wrong, I miss doing the what I want to do the majority of the time but I'll get that time back quick enough in about 13/14 years, maybe even sooner most of probably.

I think personalities there's no more important a job than being a mum. I chose to bring life into the world and it's my duty to to make it beneficial for me the world to have this extra little life... I fully expect at some point I'll be calling it a little gremlin or worse but that's part of the course and the bad news comes with the good.

Ffs Fing phone

Corrected :

I think personally there's no more important a job than being a mum. I chose to bring life into the world and it's my duty to to make it beneficial for the world to have this extra little life... I fully expect at some point I'll be calling it a little gremlin or worse but that's part of the course and the bad stuff comes with the good.

Being a mum isn’t a job,it’s a personal decision that one undertakes largely to your own standards
Let’s compare the two roles
Mum
Not employed.
No financial remuneration
No set hours
No AL
No Job description or person specification. No set list of skills
Not subject to external regulations
Largely self lead and autonomous
Ongoing and open ended duration

Employed
Financial remuneration
Job description and person specification that you have to demonstrably undertake to a minimum level
Set hours
AL
Can leave after notice period
If you demonstrably aren’t able you’ll be sacked
Retirement is possible