Hosting a party at 4 weeks postpartum

[Mammybones]

Sorry but i need to offload!

My stepsons 10th birthday is coming up and before the baby was born we discussed hosting a small barbeque to celebrate. This barbeque has rapidly evolved into a garden party of 25 family members and I'm starting to feel incredibly overwhelmed.
My baby is a dream but is exclusively breastfed, I struggle for sleep and my timekeeping is now completely off. The house has been taken over with baby bits, and generally cluttered so the thought of playing hostess to a garden full of human bodies is making me sob and feel pretty sh*t.
I've attempted to reign it in a little but I'm met with guilt and feel backed into a corner.

I would never want to take this away from my gorgeous SS but why has nobody thought it might be too much for a house with a newborn.
MIL has offered to help make sandwiches 👍

AIBU???

Of course you're not BU. Newborns are overwhelming however easy to look after. It's time for you and them to have together. Get someone else to host; or suggest meeting in a nearby park? Otherwise you'll spend all afternoon wishing they'll leave

Dh needs to step up on this one either move the event to mil if possible. Definitely just order pizza and ask guests to bring cakes.

You come out of the bedroom with baby for a time bound appearance then go back.

(Do you have a sympathetic sister or sil you can also rope in to help?)

If Dh, mil, ds or dsil won't step up then cancel.

Why are you stressing? It's up to your Dh to do all the work. You sit back and enjoy it while nursing baby.

Hi, Mammy. Congratulations on your baby. I’d say you are not being unreasonable at all. Where is your Dh in this?

I’d also say, don’t be pressured into giving others a hold of the baby so that you can tear around fetching food and drinks for the guests.

You lot are just lovely! Its nice to know im not just being a nuerotic newbie!

I should have mentioned hubby sooner but he is completely on board and reassures me it will all be fine.. its the actual act of being available along with the amount of bodies that's causing me to wobble..
I rarely get dressed before lunch time if at all at the moment, never mind anything else 😴

I did ask if MIL would mind hosting but she said she wasn't too keen on the idea.. hence the sarnies..

I’d agree on the condition that you don’t lift a finger. Not with the prep, on the day or with the clean up. I’d strongly suggest that you order pizza, ask people to bring puddings and buy paper plates. Sit on a chair in the garden with baby and hold court. Also as an added benefit you'll get new baby visits with all those relatives out of the way with one swoop.

Hosting a child's birthday party at my house is my idea of a nightmare even without a newborn. I'd set some boundaries with your husband and then think calm thoughts and try not to stress. So, perhaps:

1. He does all the organising, preparing and cleaning up. He can rope in willing volunteers to help, but that's on him to arrange.

1. No passing the baby around like a pass-the-parcel.

1. He should expect you to shut yourself and baby in a quiet, guest-free room as frequently and for as long as you like on the day.

If you stick to this, you might even have a nice time? Think of all the leftovers.

Ps I found that "the baby needs feeding/is getting fussy/needs some quiet time" was an excellent excuse to escape overexcited relatives when my daughter was born - deploy as frequently as needed.

Not unreasonable. If you can’t cancel then I’d suggest getting someone (else) to throw money at the problem. Get an after party cleaner in and maybe a before party cleaner. Order all the food in. Make it clear that your bedroom is out of bounds and if baby naps so do you.

My son was 3 weeks old when dc1 turned 4. We did a Softplay party that was catered as we knew it'd be tough to host at home with a newborn. MIL helped out on the day too. We just had to turn up on time! Is it possible to change plans and use an outside venue instead of your own home?

In the end dc2 slept through nearly the whole thing.

Itll be fine though, get the food and party bits delivered, order party platters from morrisons or M&S, the less you have to do the better.

Have a quick whizz round cleaning the guest areas of the house the day before, rope in dss and dh to help. Make a list of evrything that needs done and put their names next to things.

Op, do you have or know anybody who has a Costco card? They do great trays of prepared food, sandwiches, sushi, party cups, plates, even birthday cakes. Anything you could want.
Agree you need a squad to help you.

Thank you all for your understanding, advice and support!
I'm certainly feeling much better about the situation and will show up for nothing more than cake and a comfortable chair.. in my pjs if need be 😁