Scared of sex after birth

[Lioncagoe]

During the birth of my baby 4 weeks ago I had a lot of internal examinations which were extremely painful and I was begging them to stop and they didn’t until I’d screamed several times . This has now made me panic when my dh comes near me now . It’s stopping us having sex as I’m just freezing .

Why are you having sex when you had a baby 4 weeks ago?
Aren't you still bleeding?
Advice is to wait till after your 6 week check as you are still healing.

I’m sorry you had such a difficult and what sounds like traumatic time during birth.

Your postnatal body is a strange unknown thing. Those firsts … first poo … first time having sex … they do feel really scary before they happen, and slightly strange during (the poo definitely did for me!! ). So I don’t think it’s unusual to be worried.

If I were you I’d be having a check myself to see what it felt like before letting DH near. Might that help? It hopefully will show you that things “still work” and are still in the same place.

But there should be no rush to have sex at 4 weeks. Why not wait until 6 weeks and you can be examined by GP to check everything in order before you try?

You are under no obligation to have sex with your DH just 4 weeks after having a baby. Have you explained this to your DH? You have sex when you genuinely feel ready.

I didn't have sex for 6 months after the birth of DC2.

DH can have a wank

For your own wellbeing OP you might want to ask for a birth debrief and perhaps raise a complaint to help you process and move on.

Didn't even consider sex until ds was 12 weeks old. Don't put pressure on yourself at 4 weeks.

I’m happy to have sex I want too he’s happy to wait . I think the birth debrief might be a good idea as I don’t know why I had to have so many internals especially when there were so painful .

Did you have stitches after the birth OP? If not then it shouldn't be painful down there, after 4 weeks all bruising and swelling should have gone down. Unless of course your traumatic experience has resulted in vaginusmus, which is involuntarily tightening of the muscles, causing painful and/or impossible penetration. Do what a pp said and explore your vagina yourself. If it's painful, book in to see your GP

It doesn’t sound right about the painful examinations, I found them uncomfortable but the mid wives even said if you need a break tell me, I would definitely have the birth debrief to find out the reason.

You need to be careful of getting an infection by having sex too soon after birth, they usually say wait till you stop bleeding.

I was very uptight and scared about sex at first but found (sorry if tmi!) I was more relaxed if husband went down on me first and I finished before we even attempted anything else! Also I needed lube until I stopped breastfeeding, it can dry you out and makes things uncomfortable because of the hormone changes in case you didn’t know.